According to Hofmann: The Great Holiday Battle Royal
Everyone has their favorite holiday, most would say Christmas, some may say Halloween and the ones that say it鈥檚 National Dance Like a Chicken Day on May 14 or National Worship of Tools Day on March 11 are normally shunned by civilized society.
However, nobody can really say which holiday is the most important to the overall population.
Since we as a collective people can鈥檛 think for ourselves which holiday is the best of the best, we have to follow the guidance of that little voice that comes to us in our times of need: I鈥檓 talking about commercials and other forms of advertising to remind us that our oh-so-special days are getting closer鈥nd to buy stuff because you can鈥檛 celebrate those holidays in any other way.
Keep in mind that I know nothing about advertising other than watching almost every season of 鈥淢ad Men鈥� as the following is based on a few websites I visited along with my own ignorance and presumption that I鈥檓 an expert on all things.
That being said, I might as well start with the king of all holidays because there鈥檚 really no point in building up to it when everyone knows the answer, and that鈥檚 Christmas.
Christmas is the most important holiday because the general public is alerted to its arrival months in advance 鈥� normally around the end of October when the Halloween merchandise at the stores are bulldozed out of the way for the Christmas items.
And it seems to be pushed earlier and earlier every year, so don鈥檛 be surprised someday when Christmas in July is actually Christmas in July.
Next is Halloween, to which we start seeing ads popping up about five weeks prior.
Some may say the reason why is because of the costumes, many of which you can save after Halloween and wear for National Pretend to Be A Time Traveler Day on Dec. 8. Oddly enough, that holiday came in at number nine on my list, right after Dewey Decimal System Day on Dec. 10; maybe because they鈥檙e so close on the calendar.
Anyway, sorry to break it to you, but it鈥檚 not the costumes that make Halloween important, it鈥檚 the candy.
Think about it. Nobody wants to go to Willy Wonka鈥檚 factory to see a creepy man wearing a purple suit while surrounded by little orange people. I mean, some would love to see that, but some people would also celebrate National Walk Around Things Day on April 4.
The third and/or fourth most important holidays are Mother鈥檚 Day and Father鈥檚 Day, both of which have four weeks of reminding all the no-good freeloading offspring out there to buy their dad a tie and mom some perfume.
The reason why it鈥檚 four weeks long is because, like a parent telling any kid about something they need to do, repetitiveness is the key.
Another surprise was the next entry, Easter at three weeks. Let鈥檚 be honest, it鈥檚 a surprise because nobody knows Easter is coming until you鈥檙e sitting in church, hear the sermon and think, 鈥淭hat鈥檚 today?鈥�
Other holidays of importance when it comes to commercials and ads include two weeks for Valentines Day, one week for Saint Patrick鈥檚 Day and one week for National Pop Goes the Weasel Day on June 14.
I鈥檓 not going into great detail on those holidays because I don鈥檛 believe in any of them because I鈥檝e created my own mythos, and they don鈥檛 really fit鈥uch like my jeans after this year鈥檚 Thanksgiving dinner.
Speaking of which, Thanksgiving is a weird bird (pun intended) because we鈥檙e reminded about it in spurts.
We start to see Thanksgiving advertising begin in early November, but it lasts for a few days because we have to be reminded that Christmas is fast approaching in 55 days.
In mid-November, you then see a week of lite Thanksgiving advertising 鈥� like a ratio of one for every three Christmas ads 鈥� and then the week of Thanksgiving, expect half a week of commercials because the ads really kick in gear for Black Friday, a.k.a. The Semi-Official Day of Christmas.
Last on the list of commercials to remind us about the holidays is New Years Eve/Day, which has a total of five days of commercials.
Now, you鈥檇 think they would start running those ads the day after Christmas, but they still have to air a few hundred more Christmas ads because they either seriously overestimated when they started promoting Christmas in October or they鈥檙e just reminding everyone that next year鈥檚 Christmas advertising will be starting in September.
According to Hofmann is written by staff reporter Mark Hofmann of Rostraver Township. He hosts the 鈥淟ocally Yours鈥� radio show on WMBS 590 AM every Friday. His book, 鈥漇tupid Brain,鈥� is available on Amazon.com.