According to Hofmann: The time that land forgot
Time is the one currency that everyone has, but just can鈥檛 afford. That鈥檚 my one deep thought of the week. After that, the rest is all shallow.
Speaking of time, the Norwegian island of Sommaroy had started a petition to rid the island of keeping time, leaving the residents in blissful ignorance of when it鈥檚 suppertime much like retirees after moving to Florida.
The reason for the petition could be the fact that time is already screwed up on the island because from May 18 to July 26, the sun is always out.
It鈥檚 much like that movie 鈥淚nsomnia,鈥� where there鈥檚 a murder in an Alaskan town during a period of perpetual sun, and Al Pacino plays a war veteran who鈥檚 blind and takes this young man on a journey of self discovery鈥ait鈥aybe that鈥檚 鈥淒og Day Afternoon.鈥�
Anyway, the 350 residents of the town of Sommaroy have started a campaign to rid themselves of time keeping because if someone wants to stay out at midnight and fly a kite or achieve 24-hour tanning, they don鈥檛 need a clock telling them they have to sleep instead.
In their petition, which is now under consideration by Norway鈥檚 Parliament Funkadelic, they point out that time is meaningless to them, adding that life would be so much easier if the notion of time, a.k.a. The Devil鈥檚 Heartbeat, wasn鈥檛 preventing them from physically doing outdoor activities, going to sleep when they鈥檙e tired or preventing them from using sundials.
Okay, that last one is a legitimate gripe, but while I understand having the sun out for an extended period of time can mess up your internal clock, I think you need to adhere to some kind of timekeeping system to at least keep you checked into reality.
I really wanted to interview the Sommaroy people over the phone about the whole issue, but in our e-mail correspondences, we could never properly schedule the phone call.
SOMMAROY RESIDENT: I鈥檇 love to do a phone interview. You can call me now.
ME: Sorry, I didn鈥檛 get your e-mail until now. Can I give you a call now?
SOMMAROY RESIDENT: Later would be better.
ME: No problem. What time later?
SOMMAROY RESIDENT: I don鈥檛 know鈥his may have been a bad idea.
Another factor is the island鈥檚 main income is from tourism, which they believe would see a dramatic increase with the novelty of not keeping time.
In fact, when visitors cross a bridge into Sommaroy, they will see a railing covered in wristwatches, delivering a clear message: If you wear a watch in Sommaroy, we will execute you and put your watch on display as a warning to all other time slaves.
Maybe it鈥檚 just me, and most people would agree that it is just me, but this sounds like a dystopian sci-fi movie in the making.
In the near future, like four months from now, the law is passed and time is no more in Sommaroy, and the citizens try to adjust to life after being deprived of time.
Of course, one brave girl and her dog have access to an ancient artifact known as a Casio digital wristwatch hidden under the floorboards of her bedroom.
She gains comfort from that forbidden fruit when she brings it out and smiles when she knows it鈥檚 3:22 a.m.
However, her devious ex-boyfriend is aware of her secret and has alerted island authorities to hunt her down in a literal race against time.
Okay, through that perspective, I admit it may be an interesting thing to watch (not the wrist kind) and see what happens.
Of course, on the flip side, the island will also have to go through perpetual night and will have to deal with whatever that brings, which includes Vitamin D deficiencies, several months of new/old dad jokes like 鈥淲hat time is it? Nighttime!鈥� and the vampire invasion like that one movie where vampires feast on an Alaskan town going through 30 days of night鈥aybe that鈥檚 鈥淪cent of a Woman?鈥�
I warned you that the thought process would get shallow.
According to Hofmann is written by staff reporter Mark Hofmann of Rostraver Township. He hosts the 鈥淟ocally Yours鈥� radio show on WMBS 590 AM every Friday. His book, 鈥漇tupid Brain,鈥� is available on Amazon.com.