According to Hofmann: Play, rinse and repeat and repeat and repeat鈥�
I once read on a fortune cookie that the best way to learn something is to do it over and over again, and then I read it again to make sure I read it right the first few times. That鈥檚 why I鈥檓 well trained in the fields of not locking my keys in the car anymore, not putting metal in the microwave anymore and playing with kids.
My experience goes back to when I was in my teens, and my aunts, uncles and my older cousins saw their offspring gravitate toward me because children have always seen me as a big, old, disgusting version of themselves. So, I was trusted enough to babysit for them on the condition that I wouldn鈥檛 use the microwave.
Anyway, I thought my experience with children and kitchen fires would stop there, but I was wrong as I met my future stepdaughter, Emma, when she was 3 years old and then my brother and his wife brought my nephew, Ryker, and niece, Nora, into the world.
With all my experience, I noticed kids do have the same strange styles of play, which is basically if they like something, they want done over and over and over and 40 more times more after that.
The most recent example was a weekend trip to my brother鈥檚 place where I was quizzing Ryker by asking three questions familiar to him and in an exchange that normally goes like this:
Q: Who鈥檚 Uncle Mark鈥檚 baby?
A: Emma.
Q: Who鈥檚 Uncle Mark鈥檚 little buddy?
A: Ryker.
Q: Who鈥檚 Uncle Mark鈥檚 little bugaboo?
A: Nora.
However, after Ryker purposefully answered 鈥淓mma鈥� to the 鈥渓ittle buddy鈥� question, I threw my arms up and mockingly wailed that he was wrong and added that he didn鈥檛 win the all-expense-paid trip to Sandals Resorts, and that caused him to laugh and say, 鈥淎sk me that again, Uncle Mawk!鈥� and then he gave the same wrong answer because frustrating adults is hilarious to children.
By the 28th time, I started to see that 鈥渁gain, again, again鈥� pattern starting to emerge and I, like a fool, tried to outlast the kid, but soon found I didn鈥檛 have the physical or mental stamina or the basic willpower to continue, and then I collapsed on the floor.
As the children danced and laughed over my twitching body, I realized that we as adults also have repetitive rituals that we use on children.
One thing is the constant quizzing to the point of interrogating 鈥� 鈥淲ho鈥檚 a big boy? How old are you? What are you doing? What鈥檚 your name? What鈥檚 my name? Can you say 鈥榖eluga鈥�? Who鈥檚 a princess? Where is your nose? Where鈥檚 my nose? Where were you on the night of May 14? Whatcha doing with that super glue?鈥�
Another thing is raising your voice an octave higher and saying the kid鈥檚 name whenever you see them, and asking them questions.
鈥淣ooooooraaaa鈥hy is Uncle Mark鈥檚 shoes super-glued to the floor?鈥�
We as adults also tend to repeat things as soon as children learn to talk, and we do so like everything they say is a deep, yet confusing revelation.
鈥淯ncle Mawk, your shoes are stuck to the floor.鈥�
鈥淢y shoes are stuck to the floor!?鈥�
鈥淵eah, that鈥檚 what I said.鈥�
鈥淭hat鈥檚 what you said!?鈥�
鈥淵eah鈥 know.鈥�
鈥淵ou know!?鈥�
鈥淧lease stop, Uncle Mawk.鈥�
That鈥檚 why I can鈥檛 totally blame Ryker for flipping my quiz script on me.
Speaking of scripts, I should move on to Emma and how 9-year-olds like her choose to play.
Emma went through the 鈥渁gain, again, again鈥� phase, but she has moved on to more specific playtime requests.
Don鈥檛 get me wrong, I鈥檓 glad her imagination is vibrant, but she no longer pulls me into playing games, but scenarios normally reserved for an improv comedy troupe.
鈥淥kay, daddy, now this is the classroom and I鈥檓 the teacher, and you鈥檙e one of the students, but you鈥檙e the bad kid that the teacher doesn鈥檛 like and some of the kids like you, but the other kids don鈥檛 like you, and you think Brea is cute, but her friends Mia and Tia don鈥檛 want you to like her, and you鈥檝e been diagnosed with a mild case of psoriasis.鈥�
Once that scene plays out, Emma finds the need to redo it and switch things around, making me the teacher, giving me my motivation, notes on my character鈥檚 arch, the teacher鈥檚 back story, stage blocking, etc.
I know it sounds like I鈥檓 complaining and that鈥檚 because I most certainly am, but I have to admit that getting a chance to interact with children on their level over and over makes me feel young as well as extremely old, keeps my energy up, keeps my spirits high and keeps me away from the microwave.
According to Hofmann is written by staff reporter Mark Hofmann of Rostraver Township. He hosts the 鈥淟ocally Yours鈥� radio show on WMBS 590 AM every Friday. His book, 鈥漇tupid Brain,鈥� is available on Amazon.com.