According to Hofmann: An open letter to Stephen King
Dear Mr. Stephen King,
Hi, how are you? I鈥檓 doing okay 鈥� well, actually I have this rash that鈥檚 been giving me some concern, but that鈥檚 a subject I鈥檒l save for my open letter to Dr. Oz.
If you鈥檙e wondering why I鈥檓 contacting you, I was pondering something that I wanted to propose, and I think it will go over gangbusters, and I鈥檓 not talking about busting gangs.
Being no stranger to pop culture, you are well aware that for years artists who want to be more artistic have taken other artists artistic works of art and, you know, re-arted it.
For example, how many versions of the song 鈥淗ouse of the Rising Sun鈥� exist? My last count was 392 with the last cover made by Big Bird on the album 鈥淪esame Street Serenade.鈥�
Movies, as you know, are replete with remakes, retentions and redundants.
Look at the 鈥淗alloween鈥� franchise as an example. It鈥檚 one remake/reboot/remodel away from Pee Wee Herman as the iconic killer.
Even visual art like鈥ell, visual art, has re-imaginings and re-upholsterings and redactings.
Look at Andy Warhol鈥檚 take with 鈥淭he Mona Lisa,鈥� introducing different color filters to slightly alter the already mysterious smile of Leonardo DaVinci鈥檚 subject to change her mood, make you wonder if she has gas or make you believe she鈥檚 a can of Campbell鈥檚 tomato soup.
Now, Mr. King, you鈥檙e probably wondering why I鈥檓 addressing you in an open letter other than the fact you had already blocked any packages from me after I sent you my underwear to sign, and I鈥檓 sorry I didn鈥檛 wash them first, but I was excited, as you could tell after you opened that package.
Anyway, as an author, you鈥檙e probably well aware that it鈥檚 darn-near impossible for a writer to 鈥渃over鈥� a favorite piece of literature without being considered to be a 鈥減lagiarist鈥� or what the French call, a 鈥渓e copycat.鈥�
Sure, other writers have refurbished and restructured such works like, 鈥淧ride and Prejudice and Zombies,鈥� 鈥淪ense and Sensibility and Sea Monsters鈥� or 鈥淲ar and Peace and Pee Wee Herman,鈥� but those are more of a satire or parody or what I call a 鈥淪aturday鈥� and not a true cover or recover of a written piece of art.
That鈥檚 why I鈥檓 contacting you. I want a shot at doing a cover of a novel 鈥� not just doing the art for a book鈥檚 cover, but actually reimpressioning, remixing and rebuttaling an already-published work.
There was a horror novel published in 1978 called 鈥淭he Shining鈥� that I think you know about since you, you know, wrote it. That鈥檚 the book I want to cover.
So, if you鈥檙e curious on how I can possibly do that, then wonder no more because it鈥檚 all about style, baby.
Here鈥檚 my pitch: to re-cover the book鈥檚 cover picture with a photo of me holding up the original hardback edition of 鈥淭he Shining鈥� with me either kissing it or licking it 鈥� I haven鈥檛 decided how artistic I would need to be for that yet.
Anyway, when the reader opens the book or slides it open on any book-reading device, they will see a totally different letter font than any other edition has ever had.
Right now, I鈥檓 indecisive between the fonts DejaVu Sans Condensed Bold, Microsoft New Tai Lue, Segoe UI Semibold or just using Emojis.
Any suggestions from you on the font front will be greatly appreciated.
Finally, I wanted to butter you up to this idea by telling you that you鈥檙e the reason I started reading in the first place and then took up writing. The first book I ever read was 鈥淚t鈥� as I checked it out at the local library because if anyone tried to mug me on the way home, I could beat them to death with your 1,138-page behemoth of a novel.
So, with that said, I think my idea will be a fitting homage to you and a fast-cash money grab for a strapped-for-cash reporter like me, which is what remakes, reboots and rebellion are all about anyway.
If you don鈥檛 want to take me up on my offer, then that鈥檚 fine. Just at least please mail me back my underwear because Fruit of the Looms ain鈥檛 cheap.
All the best,
Mark Hofmann
According to Hofmann is written by staff reporter Mark Hofmann of Rostraver Township. He hosts the 鈥淟ocally Yours鈥� radio show on WMBS 590 AM every Friday. His book, 鈥漇tupid Brain,鈥� is available on Amazon.com.