According to Hofmann: Thank you, thank you
Has there ever been an established protocol of thanking someone for holding a door open when going through two sets of doors?
It鈥檚 something I think about way more than the number of times recommended by my OCD therapist, who said there wasn鈥檛 even a condition for my obsession and labeled it as 鈥渙ther鈥�. Feels good to be a pioneer.
Anyway, I always try to be polite, and I expect the same in return. It鈥檚 not too much to ask. It鈥檚 the Golden Rule, which everyone knows if you鈥檙e nice and polite to people, you receive gold. Forty-two years of being nice, and I鈥檓 still waiting for the gold.
I think I鈥檒l eventually receive the gold, but I鈥檓 pretty sure if I鈥檓 not polite, the clock resets itself, and I have to start being nice all over again and being nice makes me miserable.
When someone is in front of me at two sets of doors, I hope they do the right thing and hold both doors open for me because I would do the same for them unless they were running after me with a bloodied meat cleaver. That鈥檚 where I draw the line.
I also have my thank-you pattern down for such a situation. The first time they open the door for me, I say, 鈥渢hank you.鈥� The second time at the next door, I just say 鈥渢hanks.鈥�
Also, what does the person in front of me think when I hit them with the thank-you combo?
It鈥檚 either, 鈥淲hy, what a kind young man!鈥� or 鈥淵eah, I heard you the first time, stalker鈥搄ust don鈥檛 follow me to the restroom.鈥�
But, in the long run, I think it鈥檚 better to be on the safe side and thank someone twice in any which way that fits you best, because you may encounter someone who may be rubbed the wrong way if they only receive one thank you.
Someone like me.
When someone is behind me and I鈥檓 coming up on two sets of doors, I have to judge that person on their etiquette and there are several scenarios that could play out.
First, if I get the one thank you, but nothing the second time, I have to go back and judge the sincerity of the first thank you鈥搉ot by the choice of words, but the tone. By the time I correctly gauge if a 鈥測ou鈥檙e welcome鈥� is warranted, they have already moved past me, have entered their vehicle, have headed home and have finished eating dinner. But that鈥檚 okay because I followed them home and watched them through a window.
I鈥檝e had plenty of awkward 鈥測ou鈥檙e welcomes鈥� that way.
If the person doesn鈥檛 thank me the first time, I still will hold open the door a second time in the false hope I would receive a thank-you.
All the while, the little devil on my shoulder is whispering, 鈥淛ust fall backwards right now and send that ingrate behind you away in an ambulance!鈥�
The little angel on my shoulder, however, is going, 鈥淒on鈥檛 be so quick to judge; you don鈥檛 know the kind of day they鈥檙e having or what they鈥檙e going through in private as it鈥檚 better to look on the light that shines from all within.鈥�
But if I receive no thank you both times, then both the devil and the angel are yelling, 鈥淔all backwards! Fall backwards! Fall backwards!鈥�
鈥淎nd shove your elbow into them when you do it!鈥� the angel adds.
If I get an enthusiastic 鈥渢hank you鈥� both times, I automatically say, 鈥淵ou鈥檙e welcome!,鈥� but the second one is a cautious, guarded 鈥測ou鈥檙e welcome鈥� that I would give a stalker that I鈥檓 afraid will follow me into the restroom.
I know what you鈥檙e thinking. 鈥淲hy is a sexy beast like Mark Hofmann not modeling professionally?鈥� and also, 鈥淲hat if there鈥檚 three or more sets of doors?鈥�
Simple. The three-door trifecta goes like this: #1鈥搕hank you, #2鈥搒ay nothing and nod, but if they don鈥檛 see you nod, then grunt, #3鈥搕hanks.
Anything more than three doors, you鈥檒l need to stop the person in front of you or behind you and work out a verbal contract of gratitude. Just make sure you put in a time frame about getting gold. I think that鈥檚 where I messed up.
According to Hofmann is written by staff reporter Mark Hofmann of Rostraver Township. His books, 鈥淕ood Mourning! A Guide to Biting the Big One鈥nd Dying, Too鈥� and 鈥淪tupid Brain,鈥� are available on Amazon.com. He co-hosts the 鈥淟ocally Yours鈥� radio show on WMBS 590 AM every Friday.