According to Hofmann: The sliding scale of fandom
Well, ladies and gents, it appears that Superbowl Sunday is again upon us, but it seems that more and more, it鈥檚 become increasingly difficult to be excited about the Big Game鈥nless that game is a version of Jenga where the pieces are so large, a collapse could mean certain death.
Anyway, my shameful fantasies aside, I struggle to find any enjoyment from all things that surrounds the Super Bowl any more.
For example, the commercials used to be a pleasant treat during the breaks in the game, but then the internet came around and just showed all the commercials weeks before the game, then the morning television shows started showing them a week before and even the guy at the water cooler tells you about all the commercials in great detail the Friday before.
That鈥檚 like watching your parents wrap your presents before your birthday while telling you what and who to expect at your surprise party.
Even those seven people in the country who actually watch and enjoy the halftime shows had their surprise spoiled as 鈥渓eaked鈥� video of the rehearsals made their way on national television.
I, as a fat slob, can鈥檛 even get excited about eating during the Super Bowl anymore because some statistical idiot on TV always has to point out the staggering number of how many chicken wings, guacamole, pizza and Beluga caviar soft tacos are consumed on Sunday, making my cuisine choices seem unoriginal.
But what I鈥檓 focusing on is the fandom as I always start to think about what it means to be a fan of a sport like football, hockey, baseball, basketball and men鈥檚 indoor lacrosse when it鈥檚 playoff time.
I don鈥檛 know if what I鈥檝e named The Sliding Scale of Fandom is universal or not or if it鈥檚 just something me and the sports fans around me practice, but I鈥檓 gonna to tell you about it.
The Pittsburgh Steelers have had their ups and downs this season for sure and as a fan, I have been loyal, ultra critical and a bit suicidal throughout the regular season.
However, that loyalty is kicked into high gear whenever your team enters the playoffs, but when they don鈥檛 make it in or when they鈥檙e eliminated early, that鈥檚 when The Sliding Scale of Fandom comes into play because you still enjoy watching the sport, but your heart鈥檚 not into it, but you still have to root for a team or you feel like you might as well be watching livestock being herded on and off a field with a crappy concert wedged in the middle.
While all other teams in either division are your team鈥檚 enemies, you find your alliances going toward the team that takes out the teams that happen to be your team鈥檚 worst enemies.
For me, that was clearly the Tennessee Titans in the playoffs as they managed to take out both the Patriots and the Ravens on back-to-back weeks. I鈥檓 actually surprised that a Titans-themed bar didn鈥檛 spring up in Pittsburgh as a way to celebrate that accomplishment.
Now, if the fallback team you鈥檝e chosen actually falls back in a swimming pool full of failure and doesn鈥檛 make it to the Super Bowl, then I tend to look at different criteria to root for the team to bring home (their home, not mine) the big prize.
So, when the Titans were defeated by the Kansas City Chiefs, leaving the Chiefs to face off against the San Francisco 49ers in Super Bowl LVKSEJIXII, fans of neither team have to take a moment and weigh certain factors in picking the team they want to support.
Such routes include, but are not limited to, but can certainly go above and beyond the call of duty鈥�
The sure thing: 鈥淚鈥檓 not rooting for any losers this year! Since Kansas City is favored by 1.5 points to win even though scoring half a point is impossible, go Chiefs!鈥�
The underdog: 鈥淭he Chiefs are -120 on the money line, so let鈥檚 go Chiefs! Oh, that鈥檚 right, I forgot how odds work. Go 49ers!鈥�
Geographic location: 鈥淪an Francisco is only 2,577 miles from Pittsburgh, but Kansas City is only 840 miles away, so let鈥檚 go Chiefs!鈥�
The most deserved: 鈥淜ansas City hasn鈥檛 been to a Super Bowl in 50 years? Well, then go Chiefs, I guess!鈥�
The stats calculator: The Chief鈥檚 quarterback has a passer rating? of ?108.9, ?76 touchdowns and 18 interceptions, ?9,412 passing yards with 65.9 percent completion, but the 49er鈥檚 quarterback stats include a 100.0 passer rating with ?6,946 passing yards, a 67.5 completion percentage, so, logic suggests I have to root for鈥he Detroit Lions. Maybe I misplaced a decimal point somewhere.
The emotional connection: 鈥淎we鈥he Chief鈥檚 quarterback helps build houses for veterans in his spare time! But鈥揳we!鈥搕he 49er鈥檚 quarterback is involved in Make-A-Wish鈥aybe I鈥檒l just watch it for the commercials this year鈥ven though I鈥檝e seen them seven times already.鈥�
According to Hofmann is written by staff reporter Mark Hofmann of Rostraver Township. He co-hosts the 鈥淟ocally Yours鈥� radio show on WMBS 590 AM every Friday. His book, 鈥漇tupid Brain,鈥� is available on Amazon.com.