According to Hofmann: Memorabilia that gets you right where they pretend to live
The other day, I found myself compelled to look up as many different definitions of the word 鈥渕emorabilia鈥� as I could. I even went as far as researching totally reliable sources including Webster鈥檚 Dictionary, The Oxford English Dictionary, Google and the guy in a bear costume who continues to get heat stroke from holding up a discount sign to a store that no long exists at the nearby shopping plaza.
Each of those sources defined 鈥渕emorabilia鈥� as an object or objects kept or collected because of their historical interest, memorable people and events鈥搘ell, except for the guy in the bear costume, who added an emotional component to the definition and then asked if I wanted to share his jar of olive juice with him.
When I later regained consciousness in the poison center, I started to wonder how we got away from such objects of true historic memorabilia like Winston Churchill鈥檚 cigar cutter used on V Day and the middle finger Alexander Hamilton used to extend to King George, but we鈥檙e clamoring over Lindsay Lohan鈥檚 barf bag and the prop middle finger of Alexander Hamilton used in the musical 鈥淗amilton鈥�.
The strangest and largest pieces of memorabilia out there is鈥搚es, even stranger than Lindsay Lohan鈥檚 barf bag鈥揳re homes and buildings used in TV shows and movies.
Before I continue on to explain why, I feel it鈥檚 best to give you a short lesson in film making. If you think I鈥檓 not qualified, then you should know that I鈥檝e been on the set of many films and even appeared on a couple of TV shows if I agreed to leave the set and not harass the cast anymore.
Now, filmmakers use something called an 鈥渆stablishing shot鈥� at the beginning of a scene. The shot is normally a one-to-two second run of film that shows the audience where the next scene will take place.
For example, if you鈥檙e watching 鈥淪einfeld鈥� and if it鈥檚 a scene where the characters are at the diner, they show the outside of the diner when that 鈥渂o-pe-chi-a-kat鈥� music plays. Then we see the shot of them sitting at the table inside the diner. The outside shot of the restaurant is the establishing shot as it tells the audience the scene will take place in the diner.
Now, the baffling part is when people go crazy when they have an opportunity to visit locations of the establishing shots of their favorite movies and TV shows, but, in reality, the only person involved in the production who actually visited that location is a second-unit director filming the establishing shot.
Again, with 鈥淪einfeld,鈥� the outside of the diner is a real place in New York City, but the scene where the actors are inside the restaurant is just a sound stage on a Hollywood lot.
There are some exceptions, but if I totally ruined your viewing experience and you don鈥檛 want to be duped again, just remember that everything in Hollywood is fake. The sets are fake, the objects are fake, the characters are fake (even in biographical movies), the food is fake, the air is fake and especially the actors/celebrities are fake; they鈥檙e not even human as they鈥檝e been the same group of extra-terrestrial aliens able to morph their faces to look like different people for decades, or that鈥檚 what the guy in the bear costume told me.
Anyway, the reason I decided to clearly define the word 鈥渕emorabilia鈥� came from the news that the house used in 鈥淭he Golden Girls鈥� was to be placed on the market for a measly $2.9 million.
The Emmy-winning series revolved around four older women鈥揇orothy, Rose, Blanche and Sophia鈥搇iving in a Florida home where they ate cheesecake and made sex jokes at expense of Blanche because she鈥檚 an old hussy; it was brilliant.
However, not only were the interior house shots filmed on a sound stage, the establishing shot of the house wasn鈥檛 even in Florida, it was in California and was occupied by a couple for 65 years before their recent deaths.
Not only is it sad that the couple passed away, it鈥檚 also unfortunate for the new owner because I鈥檓 sure the couple could have told them some interesting buyer-beware stories.
You see, there are easy ways to find the actual addresses of these places and many of them are private residences like 鈥淭he Golden Girls鈥� house. Imagine taking out the trash, getting your mail or chasing men dressed as bears off your lawn and people slow down in their cars and ask stupid questions like, 鈥淒oes Betty White still live here?鈥� or 鈥淒o you guys have any cheesecake?鈥� or 鈥淚鈥檝e been stabbed and losing a lot of blood鈥o you know where the establishing shot for 鈥楪eneral Hospital鈥� is located?鈥�
Think of this week鈥檚 column as a more of a guide to a little-known pitfall in the world of real estate, especially if you have $3 million to spare for a house in Brentwood where male suitors ages 70 and older routinely knock on the door and ask, with a sly look in their eye and a bottle of Viagra in their pockets, to see Blanche.
According to Hofmann is written by staff reporter Mark Hofmann of Rostraver Township. His books, 鈥淕ood Mourning! A Guide to Biting the Big One鈥nd Dying, Too鈥� and 鈥淪tupid Brain鈥�, are available on Amazon.com. He co-hosts the 鈥淟ocally Yours鈥� radio show on WMBS 590 AM every Friday.