According to Hofmann: Voices of comfort…for a limited time only
Commercials have been an obsession of mine since I took an advertising course in college, and this attractive girl sitting next to me leaned over and whispered, 鈥淭his is so interesting!鈥�
鈥淚 know!,鈥� I whispered back, slicking over my remaining hair and smelling myself for odd odors. 鈥淚 thought this was the nude art appreciation course, but this is so interesting, I鈥檓 going to stay awake, pay attention and be obsessed with this for years even though I have no intention in switching my journalism major, but I鈥檓 glad we and have this in common鈥hy are you making that face? Why are you switching seats?鈥�
I鈥檓 also interested in movies since that same girl was in my film appreciation course until she dropped out of college and changed her identity, but that class turned me into the fan of the late director Stanley Kubrick, the man responsible for such iconic movies from my childhood like 鈥淔ull Metal Jacket,鈥� 鈥淭he Shining鈥� and 鈥淎 Clockwork Orange.鈥�
I was surprised when I heard that Kubrick was a huge fan of TV commercials, one of his favorites being an ad for Michelob beer featuring the band Genesis, and no, I didn鈥檛 make that up, and the other favorite being the 鈥淏ud-Wise-Er鈥� frogs, and yes, I totally made that up.
Kubrick said in an interview that once you take out the content of the commercial (the crap they鈥檙e peddling), some of the best film art comes from TV commercials. 鈥淰isual poetry,鈥� he called it.
Kubrick鈥檚 notion of TV commercials as poetry that can touch your emotions really didn鈥檛 hit me until I noticed more and more of them centering their message around the coronavirus.
Of course, there鈥檚 nothing wrong with that at all as companies need the public to know that they鈥檙e still open and operational for their customers during times like these, but it seems that television commercials are offering more sentimental messages of hope and strength than branches of government at times 鈥� and they鈥檙e offering home window installations at a discount price, too.
The problem is, that idea gets burrowed into my psyche, and I begin to associate positive messages concerning the coronavirus and hocking products 鈥� easy to do because it seems every company is having a COVID-19 element (a covelement?) in their commercials. Even the Pine-Sol lady is trying to reassure me, and it鈥檚 working because that鈥檚 the power of Pine-Sol, baby!
I also discovered that I never had such an overwhelming sense of pride by watching a facial-tissue commercial or a better sense of security for myself and my family than I did after catching a 30-second ad for a dishwasher (and don鈥檛 even get me started on commercials for foot-fungal medication unless you want to see a grown man weep).
The subliminal, yet explicit, marketing aspect of those commercials even slips out, at times, during conversations about the coronavirus.
鈥淵es, I agree that things will get better as we begin to heal, and I need to get hemorrhoid cream at the store.鈥�
鈥淲ow! We are a strong nation when we鈥檙e separated together alone, which reminds me to get my storm gutters replaced.鈥�
鈥淚鈥檓 glad we鈥檙e all doing our part to help flatten the curve 鈥� I gotta buy stuff now.鈥�
I guess the only illogical step from this point will be the corporate sponsorship of words of inspiration that you will find in public squares, in churches, on billboards and on bathroom walls in purple lipstick.
Or better yet, as taglines for political ads.
鈥淢y name鈥檚 Mark Hofmann, and I鈥檓 running for street foreman to clean up town to leave you with the confidence to start the new day fresh, and I approve this message sponsored by Clorox.鈥�
Or yet better, sure-fire pickup lines that would have helped me with all the ladies back in the day.
鈥淭he perfect crime would be us stealing each other鈥檚 hearts鈥rought to you by ADT Home Security. Why are you backing away from me and why are you reaching for that pepper spray?鈥�
According to Hofmann is written by staff reporter Mark Hofmann of Rostraver Township. He co-hosts the 鈥淟ocally Yours鈥� radio show on WMBS 590 AM every Friday. His book, 鈥淪tupid Brain,鈥� is available on Amazon.com.