According to Hofmann: Six degrees of coronavirus
We had a lot of cool things in the 1990s.
For example, we had a cloned sheep, sneakers with air pumps built into them for some reason and a cliffhanger at the very end of the decade called 鈥淵2K鈥� when we didn鈥檛 know if computers would shutdown and the world would end in the numeric transfer from 1999 to 2000. I won鈥檛 tell you kids if the world ended or not; my focus is on the 90s.
But the thing I remember best and didn鈥檛 have to look up on Wikipedia due to my poor memory is the game 鈥淪ix Degrees of Kevin Bacon.鈥�
The game was based on the theory of Six Degrees of Separation. That was boring until some college students added actor Kevin Bacon to it, which only goes to show that bacon and Bacon make everything better.
The way the game is played is you name any actor, and that actor can be linked through their film and TV roles to Kevin Bacon with no more than six steps or degrees.
I can even use myself as an example as what you鈥檙e about to read is true and backed up by the Internet Movie Database.
I played a doctor in an episode of 2011鈥檚 鈥淕eorge A. Romero Presents: Deadtime Stories;鈥� actress Amy Lynn Best was in the same episode. She was also in the 2001 movie 鈥淭he Resurrection Game鈥� alongside actress Kristin Pfeifer, who was in a 2012 episode of 鈥淧arks and Recreation,鈥� a show in which actor Chris Pratt co-starred. Pratt was in 2019鈥檚 鈥淎vengers: End Game鈥� with actor Benedict Cumberbatch, who was also in the 2015 movie 鈥淏lack Mass鈥� with Kevin Bacon.
So there: I鈥檓 five degrees separated from Kevin Bacon. If I had more time, I could probably find that I鈥檓 separated by four degrees, but my supervisor said spending five hours of my shift looking up actors and movies was more than enough time spent on a column.
That may be true, but the fact is I always wanted to do that, and it illustrates how to play my new game 鈥淪ix Degrees of Coronavirus鈥�.
The inspiration for the game came from the fact that if there鈥檚 one thing we humans are good at, it鈥檚 avoiding and shifting blame.
Nothing has become a greater scapegoat for everything that happens to us than COVID-19 (and also the year 2020, but that鈥檚 another column for another time).
The purpose of the game is to link as many plausible steps to something that would normally get you in trouble, or at least invite scorn and shame from your family and friends, to coronavirus for you to save face or avoid a visit from law enforcement.
The game begins where you have to explain to someone or someone(s) your predicament, and try to link it to coronavirus as the root cause within six somewhat logical degrees of separation. Every time you use the word 鈥渂ecause鈥� or any similar phrasing, that counts as a point. The fewer number of points, the closer degree of separation to coronavirus and, therefore, a more plausible story. Any score over six, you lose and might as well fess up.
鈥淲ell, officer, I was in behind my neighbor鈥檚 house without pants because (1 point) I was running away from my house. The reason I did that (1 point) was from my wife walking in on me while I was going to the bathroom because (1 point) she needed to tell me she was in contact with someone who bumped into someone who knew someone who went to get tested for coronavirus and, because (1 point) that scared me, I ran out of my house like this.鈥�
Four points. Not a great score, and, depending on his delivery, his prize could be a ride in a cop car.
鈥淚 didn鈥檛 mean to punch that mime in the face, your honor, but I did it because (1 point) he came right up to my face, and I panicked because (1 point) he may have had coronavirus and because (1 point) he really annoyed me because (1 point) he did the invisible rope trick inside the invisible box trick and that was being a pointless showoff (-2 points).鈥�
Two points is a good score as negative points are purely subjective.
What鈥檚 fun about this game is the interaction a player has with an opponent. The game can be played by both people even if they don鈥檛 know about the game.
So even if neither person is keeping score, the person doing the explaining has to sound reasonable and valid to the other person or people, and if all else fails, just add some bacon or even Bacon to the story for subjective negative points.
That鈥檒l make it better.
According to Hofmann is written by staff reporter Mark Hofmann of Rostraver Township. His books, 鈥淕ood Mourning! A Guide to Biting the Big One鈥nd Dying, Too鈥� and 鈥淪tupid Brain,鈥� are available on Amazon.com. He co-hosts the 鈥淟ocally Yours鈥� radio show on WMBS 590 AM every Friday.