缅北禁地

Oct 4, 2020 By Mark Hofmann mhofmann@heraldstandard.Com 5 min read

Welcome to the first, and most likely last installment of According to Hofmann鈥檚 World of English (AHTWOE). This week鈥檚 subject is acronyms.

Let鈥檚 begin by breaking down the word 鈥渁cronym鈥� with 鈥渁cro鈥�, meaning 鈥渉eight鈥� or 鈥渢ip鈥�. The acronym for ACRO, by the way, is the American College of Radiation Oncology.

The second part, 鈥渘ym鈥�, means 鈥渘ame鈥�, and the acronym of NYM is New York Mets because NYM is shorter to write than just writing 鈥淢ets鈥�, I guess.

So, 鈥渁cronym鈥� pretty much means 鈥渉eight of a word鈥� while its definition is an abbreviation formed from initial letters of other words. The height must be the fact that we use capital letters for our acronyms because they then look taller and wider, SEE WHAT I MEAN?

Because I don鈥檛 trust my own mind to come up with answers anymore as it normally ends with a car being set on fire, I decided to look up basic rules when coming up with acronyms.

First, acronyms need to be at least two letters because using one letter makes you sound dumb.

Just imagine two people talking about a job.

鈥淚 just got a job working for A.鈥�

鈥淗耻丑?鈥�

鈥淭hat鈥檚 short for Amazon.鈥�

鈥溾赌�h耻丑?鈥�

Now, if you鈥檙e using two letters for your acronym, more than likely you won鈥檛 pronounce it as a word, even if they actually do spell a word.

For example, back to the job-announcing scenario, say you get a job at a place called Manufacturing Engineering and if their acronym is ME, you better say your work for 鈥淢-E鈥�, not 鈥渕e鈥� or you鈥檙e going to confuse a lot of people, especially at the unemployment office.

鈥淢E fired me yesterday, and I didn鈥檛 do anything to ME. I used to love ME, but now I can鈥檛 stand ME, even though I鈥檇 like to get back into ME鈥�why are you calling security?鈥�

Acronyms between three and four letters can either go with naming each letter or saying the word it creates, but acronyms five letters or over must make a word鈥�at any cost.

For example, I鈥檓 sure when they came up with the name for the National Aeronautics and Space Administration, they probably didn鈥檛 think it would be known as NASA as they probably thought it would be NAASA, but decided to not have the 鈥淎鈥� represented because people pronouncing it would sound like a bunch of hillbillies calling in their pigs from the pasture.

鈥淣aaaaaaasaw, yep, yep, giddy up!,鈥� a voice would bellow from the farmhouse. 鈥淭ime for yer slop dinner!鈥�

For my job, I have to write about organizations, programs and initiatives that use acronyms all the time, and I realized the 鈥渁cro鈥� in 鈥渁cronym鈥� has nothing to do with height Instead, 鈥渁cro鈥� most likely means twisting and contorting like an acrobat to make an acronym work for them in creating a, somewhat, word.

Here are some examples of actual acronyms I found online and how I think they either came about or need some fixing:

First, we have the Advanced Weather Information Processing System (AWIPS). I imagine meteorologists had something to do with that, but then they鈥檇 be stuck with either MAWIPS, and nobody wants to pronounce that without sounding like a country bumpkin. The other alternative was AWIMPS, but weather science people have enough of a hard time looking tough without WIMPS in any name.

Second, we have NUBE, the National Union of Bank Employees. I鈥檓 guessing there was some disappointment following that acronym as nube is slang for someone who鈥檚 inexperienced with something. However, a simple switch-a-roo to be the Bank Employees National Union (BENU) would be a sci-fi handle that those geeks at AWIPS would adopt.

Next we have BREW, which stands for Binary Runtime Environment for Wireless. You know they originally had it as BREFW, but the intern probably interrupted the meeting by saying, 鈥淲ait a sec, brah! If you drop the F, you get BREW, dude! Whaaaaass uuuuup?!鈥� Really, who can argue with that?

Finally, there鈥檚 All Intellectuals Rarely Put On Dumb Stuff (AIRPODS). Now, a rule in acronyms is to have the acronym/word properly represent the words that make it up. I鈥檇 love to be there when that acronym was uttered for the first time, so I could have retorted with That鈥檚 the One Exception (TOE).

I realize that the word 鈥渢oe鈥� has nothing to do with pointing out exceptions to rules, so that鈥檚 why, after yelling 鈥淭OE鈥� I would have to kick the shin of the person to whom I鈥檓 yelling.

Trust me. This week鈥檚 column isn鈥檛 pronounced 鈥渁thwoe鈥� for nothing.

According to Hofmann is written by staff reporter Mark Hofmann of Rostraver Township. His books, 鈥淕ood Mourning! A Guide to Biting the Big One鈥�and Dying, Too鈥� and 鈥淪tupid Brain,鈥� are available on Amazon.com. He co-hosts the 鈥淟ocally Yours鈥� radio show on WMBS 590 AM every Friday.