According to Hofmann: COVID culture for the next generation
I remember as a child being in my grandfather鈥檚 basement, perplexed at seeing all the mason jars full of canned food. There were jars filled with liquid and food items like green beans, peaches, peppers, tomatoes, Snickers bars鈥搚ou name it.
So, one day after choking down a vinegar-drenched Almond Joy bar, I decided to ask why he canned and stored food in his basement.
I learned two things that day. First, during the Great Depression, saving and storing food was something people had to do to survive during hard times, and that practice carried over to modern times. Second, even though it鈥檚 in the name, the Great Depression wasn鈥檛 that great at all.
Since then, I have been fascinated by trends carrying over to current culture from such hard times (along with a taste for canned vinegar-soaked candy bars).
Only recently, I noticed such budding practices with our current pandemic that will, for better or for worse, surely echo into the future.
I think the most obvious trend will come from the things that grew in significant value over the past several months due to supplies running short or running out.
Obviously I鈥檓 talking about toilet paper, hand sanitizer and disinfectant wipes.
Right off the bat, expect to see those items to be well stocked to downright hoarded in many, many homes not even in the future, but in the present day.
I can picture my future grandson asking me why I have a room dedicated to toilet paper with tears in his eyes because I swatted his hand with a ruler when he tried to put his greasy little mitts on my precious two-ply mountain.
鈥淟isten, Cornelius,鈥� I鈥檒l say because I plan to address all my grandchildren as Cornelius鈥揺ven the girls. 鈥淢ay 19, 2020. It was a taco Tuesday in our house and while we had plenty of corn tortillas and refried beans, we only had half a roll of TP for the house to share. Never again!鈥�
Also, when it comes to hand sanitizer and disinfectant wipes at Grandpa Hofmann鈥檚 house, you use them sparingly because you never know when the shelves will go empty.
鈥淒id you just touch your face, Cornelius?鈥� I鈥檒l scream at my granddaughter. 鈥淐ome here and get your three drops of Purell. When you鈥檙e done scrubbing your hands until they鈥檙e red, take this single disinfectant wipe and scrub everything you touched鈥搖se both sides of the wipe and don鈥檛 stop until the entire wipe is dry or totally stained in filth!鈥�
Yeah, I鈥檓 going to be an awesome grandpa because the filter between my brain and mouth will be totally disintegrated by that point. Plus, I鈥檒l take the grandkids to the virtual museum on occasion.
鈥淕randpa,鈥� Cornelius #3 will say. 鈥淲hat are people doing in that picture?鈥�
鈥淲hat?,鈥� I鈥檒l ask, confused because I thought I was standing in line at the virtual bank. 鈥淥h, that鈥檚 called handshaking. That鈥檚 what was done before elbow bumping and shoe slapping; it was a way to greet people, close a deal or slip money to a waiter if you wanted a good table next to crab legs at the all-you-can-eat buffet.鈥�
鈥淲hat鈥檚 an all-you-can-eat buffet?鈥�
鈥淨uiet, Cornelius! Grandpa needs his cry time.鈥�
But what I really can鈥檛 wait to see are all the Corneliuses (or Corneliui?) growing up, getting their online degrees and heading out into the work(from home)force.
鈥淗ow was your first day on the job, Cornelius?鈥� I鈥檒l ask.
鈥淵ou should know because you were in the same room the entire time, grandpa.鈥�
鈥淵es, but I was busy the whole time with grocery shopping, sleeping, buying toilet paper, catching a Broadway show, sleeping and doing my taxes and taking a quick nap.鈥�
Of course, we鈥檙e still in the midst of this pandemic, so I predict there are still more new practices and regulations that will carry over into the culture of the next generation and the culture of generations to come.
Let鈥檚 just hope they鈥檒l enjoy disinfectant-treated candy bars.
According to Hofmann is written by staff reporter Mark Hofmann of Rostraver Township. His books, 鈥淕ood Mourning! A Guide to Biting the Big One鈥nd Dying, Too鈥� and 鈥淪tupid Brain,鈥� are available on Amazon.com. He co-hosts the 鈥淟ocally Yours鈥� radio show on WMBS 590 AM every Friday.