According to Hofmann: “Dear Hate” and other stupid things
There鈥檚 a lot of things on social media that really tick me off like ticks, things, teeth bleeding and social media, but the one thing that really makes my teeth bleed are people addressing intangible things like feelings, attitudes, beliefs or ideas as if they were real people.
For example, I recently saw a post that started with, 鈥淒ear Hate,鈥� followed by a long paragraph on how hate is bad and what it has done to society. It was, like, super-serious. There wasn鈥檛 even an 鈥淟OL鈥� throughout the entire thing, but I think I saw one or two emoji faces.
A part of me was glad to have seen that post because, all this time, I thought it was unsafe mercury levels in tuna that was causing such problems in society, but pinning it on Hate was surely an eye opener.
I mean, I don鈥檛 want to discourage someone鈥檚 right to spread their opinion, letting off some steam or to try to influence others, but I have to wonder if someone making such a post decides to brag about it later.
鈥淏efore dinner starts, family, I have an announcement. Today, I sent an open message on Facebook to Hate, I told Hate it has no room in our society and will not be tolerated wherever it rears its ugly head.鈥�
Then some family members applaud and say, 鈥淵es, yes, so brave,鈥� over and over again while that one uncle puts down his gin and tonic and says, 鈥淭hat鈥檚 the stupidest thing I ever heard 鈥� and what鈥檚 a Facebook?鈥�
To be honest, I couldn鈥檛 go on social media and make a post to address such emotions or thoughts like that without being a smart aleck.
More than likely, my posts would start with things like this:
鈥淒ear Mental Illness, this is going to sound crazy, but 鈥︹��
鈥淒ear Incontinence, I can鈥檛 hold this in anymore 鈥︹��
鈥淒ear Intolerance, I know you鈥檙e not going to like this 鈥︹��
鈥淒ear Loneliness, is anyone else there? I need to tell you something 鈥︹��
鈥淒ear Oversensitivity, I don鈥檛 mean to upset you, but 鈥︹��
鈥淒ear Poverty, can you afford a minute to hear what I have to say?鈥�
鈥淒ear Indifference, not that you care, but 鈥︹��
鈥淒ear Stupidity, this is going to go way over your head 鈥︹��
鈥淒ear Violence, put down the knife and listen to me 鈥︹��
鈥淒ear Short Attention Span 鈥� Oooh! Something shiny!鈥�
Maybe it鈥檚 the lawyer inside of me (I once ate a lawyer, but that鈥檚 another column for another time entitled 鈥淒ear Gluttony鈥�), but wouldn鈥檛 it be better to verbally attack someone who actually has the ability to communicate to defend themselves?
There鈥檚 nothing I want more than to actually reply to that post I saw as Hate.
鈥淒ear ButterflyTwinkleToes89, Hate here. I鈥檝e been around since the first human emerged out of the primordial ooze and have always thrived off the weakness, jealousy and prejudices of your species. However, I must say, your poorly spelled post that you made while sitting on the toilet during your smoke break at the 711 really changed my mind and also made me want to change my name from Hate to Mild Loathing. Thank you.鈥�
That, ladies and gentlemen and Literacy, is the solution to the issue at hand.
Social media needs to appoint real people or state-of-the-art computer programs as those intangible things like Hate, Greed, Jealousy, Indigestion, etc. to respond to these people and maybe cause a better understanding between the two parties to finally make people stop posting such stupid, annoying things.
I don鈥檛 know. Maybe it鈥檚 just one annoying thing that鈥檚 a part of all the annoyances that I find in my life daily.
Annoyance. Maybe that鈥檚 something I should address.
According to Hofmann is written by staff reporter Mark Hofmann of Rostraver Township. His books, 鈥淕ood Mourning! A Guide to Biting the Big One 鈥� and Dying, Too鈥� and 鈥淪tupid Brain,鈥� are available on Amazon.com. He co-hosts the 鈥淟ocally Yours鈥� radio show on WMBS 590 AM every Friday.