According to Hofmann: The zombie apocalypse is real … metaphorically speaking
As a part-time remote-learning student of horror, I鈥檓 well versed in many sub-genres of horror like killer vampires, killer dolls, killer cars, killer children, killer clowns, killer robots, killer hillbillies, killer shopping malls, killer ghosts, killer architects and killer killers.
No argument that one of the most popular sub-genres of horror are zombies 鈥� oh wait, I mean, killer zombies.
From 鈥淣ight of the Living Dead鈥� to 鈥淭he Walking Dead,鈥� zombies have shown us time and time again, they know how to make a lot of money.
That鈥檚 why, when you listen to writer/director commentary on zombie movies, they say zombies represent consumerism 鈥� of course, they also say zombies are also metaphors for slavery, atomic destruction, communism, automination, mass contagion, globalism, ourselves and riding a unicycle without a helmet 鈥� basically all things that make us pause and reflect on society and the human condition.
Yes, zombies are a one-stop shop for all your metaphors, which are like similes when you stop and think about it.
Anyway, the Centers for Disease Control (CDC) also cashed in on the zombie metaphorcolypse back in 2011 by tricking people to learn how to be prepared for emergency situations, whether it鈥檚 freaky weather, mother nature or freaks of nature.
Back then, they started a blog about how to prepare for a zombie apocalypse.
Now, before you start writing to your representative in congress about the most outrageous wasteful example of government spending since the Department of Health and Human Services published an article about sexually-transmitted infections from Sasquatch, be aware that zombies were just being used as a metaphor for any type of emergency from a natural disaster to a man-made attack.
This year, the website started making headlines again as zombies have become a metaphor for coronavirus, winter-storm emergencies and/or fast-food restaurants running out of dipping sauce.
Let鈥檚 be clear that I applaud the CDC for using an unique approach to spicing up disaster preparedness; however, I鈥檓 not so keen on the idea of zombies being the comparison for them, because, let鈥檚 face it, zombies 鈥� especially killer zombies 鈥� have been done to death (pun intended).
For the CDC, I鈥檓 suggesting the alternative of an alien invasion as a metaphor for many, if not all, disasters.
Going through the information the CDC provided, it鈥檚 easy to see why.
First, the CDC says when the zombie apocalypse begins to emerge, it鈥檚 best to have an emergency kit at the ready 鈥� stuff like water, food, clothing, meds, first-aid supplies, sanitation and hygiene products and important documents like your driver鈥檚 license, passport, birth certificate, family tree outline and your local gas station鈥檚 preferred customer discount card.
The latter part of the list really made me scratch my head. Are the people setting up guarded sanctuaries to survive a zombie hoard really requiring two forms of identification to join like it鈥檚 a gym membership or something?
However, an alien invasion may mean humans will be used as slaves for our new masters and the right form of identification could make the difference if you have your own sleeping quarters on the mothership or if you have to live and work in the vessel鈥檚 intergalactic sewage system.
One big thing missing from the emergency kit for the zombie apocalypse is, well, a weapon because something to put down a zombie is kind of a necessity.
On the other hand, invading aliens have technology that will render our weapons useless to the point where we might as well be firing Nerf cannons at an incoming tornado.
The CDC goes on to state that once you鈥檝e made your emergency kit, you have to sit down with your family and come up with an emergency plan.
A plan against the zombies is good because then you can just plan to either run or hunker down, which works for all kinds of natural disasters, but for zombies you have to include talking to your kids about having to eliminate your friends and family if they鈥檙e bitten and begin to turn into brain-eating ghouls.
That鈥檚 really not an option for an alien invasion, except maybe 鈥淚nvasion of the Body Snatchers,鈥� but I鈥檓 keeping it as a 鈥淲ar of the Worlds鈥� kind of scenario.
So, if you want to avoid a conversation more awkward than the birds and the bees (when did birds and bees start mating, by the way?), then better have heartfelt discussion about a plan when the aliens land.
To wrap it up, I certainly hope the CDC thinks about my recommendation to transition their emergency-planning literature from zombies to aliens, and if they鈥檙e still not convinced, we鈥檒l refer to them as killer aliens.