According to Hofmann: Three word origins for the price of one

May 2, 2021 By Mark Hofmann mhofmann@heraldstandard.Com 4 min read

We take many things for granted like air, meatloaf and defense satellites, but besides the meatloaf, the thing we take the most for granted are the words and phrases we use everyday.

For example, when someone sneezes, we say things like “bless you!,” “God bless you,” “sweet, sweet molasses the tree’s been tapped!” There’s also “gesundheit,” which took eight attempts and three Google searches to spell right, so to all you haters, I do conduct some research for these columns.

We probably came up with “bless you” or “God bless you” back in ancient times when they believed a sneeze either brought a demon out of your body or invited one in. I can’t remember which, but I’m sure it had something to do with demon possession because even now, in this cynical day and age, a sneeze can be scary.

If your response to that is “whatever,” you probably didn’t stop and think about the origins of the word that seems to transcend generations of people’s annoying indifference to all things.

Like current words and phrases used every day, we’ve shortened “whatever” to the point where it changed significantly from its word origin, which we’ll now explore.

Like my English history professor always told me, “Stop assuming word origins, Mark, and do research because you’re not that bright.”

My assumption is that the word “whatever” comes from the phrase “What you say may be correct and informative, and while I may concede to it, I’ll stick to my opinion, and it will be that way forever.”

It took three centuries — give or take a few decades — to condense that sentence to “whatever” and, believe it or not, it’s still evolving … or devolving.

Here’s a recent history of the phrase: The 1970s: “Whatever you say”; the 1980s: “Yeah, whatever”; the 1990s: “What-eveeerrrr”; the 2000s: “Whaaaa-ever”; the 2010s: “What-evs”, the 2020s: “Wvr”; the 2030s: “Wwwwvvvv” and the 2040s: “_______” because we’ll be able to project our thoughts by that point.

Another thing people say that always catches my attention is the word “well” because 95% of the people being interviewed on TV, the radio, the newspaper or even asked a question in everyday life start off their answer with “well.”

It’s like a nervous tick that I can’t shake and infuriates me to no end, which is why I answer most questions with, “Well–argh!!! Stupid Mark! Stupid, stupid, stupid!–I don’t know if ‘Cannonball Run’ is Burt Reynolds’ best movie or not.”

I think people started using the word “well” after seeing very smart people search for an answer after receiving a difficult question and they would start with “Well…” and then there would be a genuine pause anywhere between two seconds and 40 minutes before giving their answer.

Then people, in an attempt to appear smart, started saying stuff like, “Well … I guess I’m allowed to eat a banana peel” and included the pause for the effect or they weren’t really sure what part of a banana is edible.

Nowadays, there’s not even a pause between “well” and an answer that requires little or no thought. We just do it automatically.

It must be confusing at a doctor’s office when they ask a patient how they’re feeling.

“Well, I have this gaping head wound, doc.”

“Well, make up your mind. Are you feeling well despite the gaping head wound or did you have to think about your gaping head wound, which is why you said ‘well’ before answering?”

“Well … now I’m really confused, hence the pause and the fact that I’m losing consciousness due to, you know, this gaping head wound.”

By the way, I may have just ruined the word “well” for you because now you’ll take notice of it whenever you’re watching a TV interview or listening to people and it will drive you a little nuts just like me.

If you don’t believe me, then all I can say is, “Well, then bless you or whatever.”

According to Hofmann is written by staff reporter Mark Hofmann of Rostraver Township. His books, “Good Mourning! A Guide to Biting the Big One…and Dying, Too” and “Stupid Brain,” are available on Amazon.com. He co-hosts the “Locally Yours” radio show on WMBS 590 AM every Friday.

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