According to Hofmann: Save time, be politically incorrect
There鈥檚 a lot to be said about political correctness and the euphemisms it spawns, but some instances of political correctness have turned into a waste of time 鈥� literally.
For a perfect example, let鈥檚 look at the jockstrap 鈥� no, not the actual thing; I鈥檓 talking about the word. Jockstrap 鈥� two syllables, no confusion, just fine.
Somewhere, someone along the way decided they didn鈥檛 like the word 鈥渏ock鈥� because it may have been a derogatory term used to describe an athlete or the French name for Jake (or is it Joe or Jimbo?). They were offended just enough to totally change the name and call the contraption an 鈥渁thletic supporter.鈥�
Athletic supporter 鈥� six syllables, which is three times as many as jockstrap; I know that because I once learned how some math works.
But just think of the time that鈥檚 been wasted by saying and writing 鈥渁thletic supporter鈥� instead of 鈥渏ockstrap鈥� 鈥� even typing it just now, I feel like I鈥檓 missing out on experiencing something else.
If you want scientific proof from someone who doesn鈥檛 know anything about science, I went to a search engine where it lists how fast it takes to get results on a subject. I did two separate searches 鈥� one for 鈥渏ockstrap鈥� and one for 鈥渁thletic supporter.鈥�
The jockstrap search took 0.43 seconds to find results and athletic supporter search took 0.55 seconds.
That鈥檚 0.12 seconds wasted on political correctness.
Just imagine what you could have been doing in that stretch of time. You could have spent it blinking, starting an incomplete thought, or your brain could鈥檝e signaled your body to flinch at a basketball rocketing toward you.
When you really think about it, on a technical level, ask yourself what an athletic supporter is? It鈥檚 a sports fan, one who supports athletes.
If you don鈥檛 believe we need to go back to calling jockstraps 鈥渏ockstraps鈥� for the sake of saving time, at least take into consideration the confusion in certain situations.
Imagine, if you will, the conversation in a locker room between the coach and his player before a game, but then imagine that the player doesn鈥檛 know that an athletic supporter is a jockstrap:
COACH: Timmy, I hope you remembered to bring your athletic supporter today.
TIMMY: Yeah, coach, I bought four of them.
COACH: Four athletic supporters? It鈥檚 only a touch-football game!
TIMMY: It鈥檚 cool. It鈥檚 my parents and my grandparents from my mom鈥檚 side.
COACH: Are you kids giving names to your jockstraps nowadays? Better go out there and wear a helmet this time.
To be fair, back in the day, people started calling the jockstrap a cup.
While I鈥檓 glad they had it narrowed it down to one syllable, it still brings the confusion factor to another level. I won鈥檛 go into the gory details, but I鈥檓 sure there鈥檚 a soccer team out there with parents angry about broken ceramic mugs and players who can only pass their love of their sport onto their next of kin if they adopt.
Or to use an euphemism: they would have been better off if they were accompanied by their athletic supporter.
According to Hofmann is written by staff reporter Mark Hofmann of Rostraver Township. His books, 鈥淕ood Mourning! A Guide to Biting the Big One 鈥� and Dying, Too鈥� and 鈥淪tupid Brain,鈥� are available on Amazon.com