According to Hofmann: The soft rock ‘n roll controversy
There are too many reminders in our daily lives that we鈥檙e getting older, and I think the biggest one may also be the most depressing one: music on the radio.
I have to admit, I don鈥檛 listen to the radio that much anymore. With so many options available on the phone and through a bluetooth connection to your car, the sky鈥檚 the limit 鈥� even when you鈥檙e on the road.
But I鈥檝e totally abandoned the radio. There are times that I like listening to a DJ talk about a song before playing it, or listening to a syndicated radio show from rockers themselves like Alice Cooper, Steven Van Zandt or Milli Vanilli (though that last show is always silent for some reason).
I also like tuning my car鈥檚 radio to pick up stations is when I鈥檓 driving out of or across the state because I like to hear the local flavor of the area I鈥檓 in or traveling through.
The most recent time that happened was last weekend when I traveled to Philadelphia for a birthday party. After three hours of listening to yet another true-crime podcast on the history of jaywalking, I decided to scan the radio stations for classic rock.
One of many advantages of technology is the information on a car鈥檚 display that tells you what genre the radio station plays so you know what to expect after the commercial for Big Roy鈥檚 Tires and Gutters Emporium.
I scanned through stations until I had to look away and swerve the car to avoid hitting some people running from a rogue tractor or something-I don鈥檛 know; I was trying to make time.
After swerving past the ambulance and hearing a commercial for Big Roy鈥檚 Psychological Counseling Services Emporium, the song 鈥淭alk Dirty to Me鈥� by Poison came on.
While it wasn鈥檛 exactly what I was looking for, it鈥檚 still my jam, so I listened and sang along.
Then I stopped cold.
I glanced back down at the car鈥檚 display, which told me that I was listening to a 鈥淪oft Rock鈥� station.
鈥淪oft Rock?鈥� I said, before screaming a string of profanities that would make a sailor blush. My 12-year-old stepdaughter, Emma, asked with extreme caution what was wrong.
I explained to her that you can鈥檛 put an 80鈥檚 hair-band song like 鈥淧oison鈥� in the same category as Michael Bolton, but since Emma didn鈥檛 know any of those names, I told her the radio did a stupid thing.
After checking out more stations, I found out just how stupid.
When I reached a 鈥淩ock鈥� station, and after the ad played for Big Roy鈥檚 Nuts鈥檔鈥橞olts Emporium, some kind of garbage Jonas-Beiber pop song came on.
I had a feeling Emma wanted to sing along, but she didn鈥檛 get the chance because my fist was buried deep into the digital display.
Turns out I had some time before reaching my destination, so I started to think about getting older.
I remembered growing up, and how my dad would listen to the oldies station because a good bit of that music was stuff he grew up with. I figure when he was young, those tunes were considered to be pop songs.
I can imagine my grandfather asking him what happened to all the popular music from Glenn Miller and Bing Crosby, and then my great-grandfather chiming in to ask how come songs like 鈥淚t鈥檚 a Long, Long Way to Tipperary鈥� and 鈥淐ohen on the Telephone鈥� aren鈥檛 played on the radio anymore.
It also seems that every dozen years that go by, the oldies station adds another decade to its advertising 鈥� so much so that even the DJs are caught off guard.
鈥淭his is your home for classic hits of the 50s, 60s, 70s, 80s, 90s and early 2000s 鈥� Good lord! I have undigested meat in my colon older than some of these songs!鈥�
So, sure, I get it that some changes have to be made to go along with the times, but I think it can be handled in a better way.
I think the better way is to not even consider the age of the song. You can argue that some songs age better than others, but you can鈥檛 deny that songs like 1957鈥檚 鈥淟ong Tall Sally鈥� by Little Richard rocks out as much as 1971鈥檚 鈥淩ock and Roll鈥� by Led Zeppelin and 1990鈥檚 鈥淭hunderstruck鈥� by AC/DC. Songs like those deserve to be on a radio station with similar songs throughout all decades and genres.
Now, this idea may seem pretty radical to station managers who have to go by audience demographics and other figures. To them, I say I have no idea how to run a radio station or balance a checkbook, but forget about all of that because music is a feeling and you should go with your gut.
I know it鈥檚 a risk, but if a radio station wants to survive in an age where other listening options are plentiful, it needs to change or maybe, I don鈥檛 know, not identifying your station as 鈥淪oft Rock鈥� when you play Poison songs.
If you don鈥檛 want to take that risk, then just hand your station off to Big Roy so he can create a radio-station emporium. He seems to know what he鈥檚 doing.
According to Hofmann is written by staff reporter Mark Hofmann of Rostraver Township. His books, 鈥淕ood Mourning! A Guide to Biting the Big One 鈥� and Dying, Too鈥� and 鈥淪tupid Brain,鈥� are available on Amazon.com.