According to Hofmann: Believe you me
Bruce Springsteen once said 鈥 well, sang, actually 鈥 鈥測ou can鈥檛 start a fire without a spark鈥 and then he talked and talked and talked.
Nothing against Springsteen, but you go to one of his four-hour-long concerts, three hours of it is just him talking.
鈥淲ooohooo!,鈥 a fan would gush out at a Springsteen concert. 鈥淣ow Bruce is talking about growing up in a blue-collar town with this high school sweetheart! I thought he was going to save that one for the encore!鈥
Sorry to go on a little rant there, but the spark that set this week鈥檚 column ablaze is a single phrase that I鈥檓 sure all of you have heard in your lives but maybe weren鈥檛 obsessed with like I am: 鈥渂elieve you me.鈥
When we hear that phrase, we automatically know it鈥檚 one where the person saying the phrase is conveying they must be believed by the person to whom they鈥檙e directing the phrase. The meaning is buried deep in our brains like the instinct to procreate and hunt.
But when I recently heard that phrase, I had to pause and fight the urge to go cross-eyed while trying to figure out why it needs to be said that way instead of 鈥渂elieve me鈥 or 鈥測ou believe me鈥 or, as I uttered while trying to talk my way out of a speeding ticket, 鈥淵our belief in me is my life鈥檚 passion, officer.鈥
I still received the speeding ticket.
Regardless, what would have been the first reaction when someone heard someone else say 鈥渂elieve you me?鈥
鈥淲ait 鈥 am I believing you, are you believing me or am I believing that you believe yourself? This is the oddest way of getting out of a speeding ticket I鈥檝e ever heard!鈥
Perhaps the phrase came out of the 1960s as I recall the opening lyrics to the Beatles鈥 song 鈥淚 Am the Walrus鈥.
Then again, 鈥淚 am he as you are he as you are me, and we are all together鈥 may be less of a homage to 鈥渂elieve you me鈥 than it was a side effect of hallucinogenic mushrooms.
As with all things of which I have little understanding, I decided to consult the internet, which informed me that I may have a severe fungal infection, but that鈥檚 what I get for making WebMD my computer鈥檚 home screen.
But what I really found was that such sentence structure stretches back to dates that have AC/DC attached to them 鈥 or maybe it鈥檚 BC/AD, but who鈥檚 counting?
I mean, who hasn鈥檛 had to read twice or thrice sentences that begin with something like, 鈥淒outh shalt not鈥︹?
Nothing against the biblical times, but perhaps dyslexia was running rampant back in those days and phrases like 鈥渂elieve you me鈥 literary and literally and liturgy became scripture.
However, in my research, 鈥渂elieve you me鈥 seemed to not go back that far with one source stating that the phrase didn鈥檛 even appear until sometime after the 18th century. The source followed up by saying 鈥渂elieve you me,鈥 so I had to take it for its word.
It makes me wonder 鈥 or wonder it makes me 鈥 when did the phrase really emerge into the cesspool of the English language.
With my limited knowledge of history and literature, my best bet for the phrase鈥檚 origin would be 1980, which was the year that 鈥淭he Empire Strikes Back鈥 was released.
I鈥檓 no 鈥淪tar Wars鈥 expert by any stretch of the imagination, but while I鈥檓 pretty sure 鈥淭he Empire Strikes Back鈥 didn鈥檛 have the phrase 鈥渂elieve you me鈥 in it, the movie does hold a clue of inspiration in the character of Yoda.
Yes, the very old and very wise Yoda, for some reason, used sentence structure as stable as game of Jenga with phrases like 鈥淗elp you, I can,鈥 鈥淔ound someone, you have鈥 and 鈥淭ry not. Do鈥 or do not鈥.
Imagine a child of the 80s being scolded by his parents over something he had likely done, but he has to sound convincing to them that he鈥檚 innocent.
Now, who鈥檚 more convincing than Grandpa Yoda?
鈥淒o it, I didn鈥檛,鈥 the kid would say. 鈥淏elieve you me. Shave the hamster, my sister did!鈥
Of course, who鈥檚 to say 鈥渂elieve you me鈥 didn鈥檛 inspire the way Yoda was written to talk in 鈥淪tar Wars?鈥
When it鈥檚 all said and done, I guess that鈥檚 the kind of magic language has 鈥 it鈥檚 influenced by a person鈥檚 background, location and style, and it鈥檚 something that is constantly evolving and growing in unexpected ways over great spans of time 鈥 or near the end of a Bruce Springsteen concert.
According to Hofmann is written by staff reporter Mark Hofmann of Rostraver Township. His books, 鈥淕ood Mourning! A Guide to Biting the Big One 鈥 and Dying, Too鈥 and 鈥淪tupid Brain,鈥 are available on Amazon.com.