According to Hofmann: The gas station diaries, vol. 1
I recently heard that looking at the gas prices at the pump has caused many people to suffer 鈥渟ticker shock,鈥� which, to be fair, is an inaccurate assessment.
First, hardly anyone (especially now) looks at the price on the pump.
They first see the price lit up on the sign outside a gas station and then they play the game where they decide to see if the price is lower at a gas station on the way to their destination. Then they check the station after that 鈥� and the station after that 鈥� and the station after that until they realize that the final station鈥檚 price was higher than the previous four stations. They decide to fill up at any of those stations on the way back back, but are horrified to see the price has shot up even more, so they decide to see if the price remains the same at the next station 鈥� and then the station after that 鈥� and the station after that.
Also, I wouldn鈥檛 consider it 鈥渟ticker shock鈥� unless you think such a shock comes from a tornado made of lightning.
When I started writing a weekly column, I decided to not get political or take any ideological sides and this column is no different; that鈥檚 why I鈥檓 not going to point fingers (except maybe the middle one) or tell you who to blame or at whom you should be angry.
In fact, I鈥檓 going to do just the opposite and point out the person who doesn鈥檛 deserve any blame and anger, and that鈥檚 the gas station attendant.
I was a gas station attendant for nearly eight years through high school and college, and I have stories to tell. Oh boy, do I have stories to tell 鈥� of course, I can鈥檛 remember some of them because, well, it was through high school and college.
What I do remember is customer after customer coming into the station, angrily slamming their cash on the counter or trying to use their credit card to slash my throat because gas went up a penny or two since two weeks prior 鈥� ah, the good old days.
That being said, the first thing you don鈥檛 do to an attendant or cashier is yell at them about the gas prices because, believe it or not, they have nothing to do with the price at the pump.
Thinking back, I guess it was easy for a customer to make that mistake because I, the pimply kid making $4.25 cents per hour, did wear a uniform shirt that had the name 鈥淢ark鈥� sewn on one side and the gas station name sewn on the other side.
I guess those letters equaled 鈥淥PEC鈥� or something.
Some customers blamed the gas station鈥檚 owner for the higher prices and while, yes, the owner makes the final decision what the price will be, the owner normally wants the lowest price possible because they have to be at least the same price as or lower than the competition to attract customers.
You see, gas station owners barely make money on the fuel sales, if at all. They make money from items in their convenience stores like coffee, snacks, food, cigarettes, snuff, ninja stars and magazines.
That鈥檚 why the gas station attendant is the last person who wants to hear that the gas station three towns over is 5 cents cheaper, and they鈥檙e certainly the last person to ask why there鈥檚 a price difference.
I always used to say it was because of a rip in the space-time continuum, which kind of worked until 1999. Then I said it was because of a glitch in the Matrix.
But those who saw past my cunning attempt to get them out of the convenience store so I could go back to reading magazines told me our prices were higher because of greed.
While I鈥檓 sure greed played a role in it somewhere along the line, I was pretty sure it wasn鈥檛 because of my greed, my boss鈥檚 greed, the fuel supplier鈥檚 greed and even the greed of whoever supplied our supplier.
When I tried to explain logical things like the law of supply and demand, and taxes, I was cut short with, 鈥淵ou know, the customer is always right.鈥�
I鈥檝e always had a feeling a customer came up with that saying or, at the very least, altered it from a jaded customer service representative saying something like, 鈥淭he customer thinks they鈥檙e always right 鈥� and they always complain 鈥� always!鈥�.
Don鈥檛 get me wrong, I鈥檝e had customers that I enjoyed interacting with every day and was genuinely sad that I wasn鈥檛 going to see them any more when I put my two-weeks notice in to get a newspaper job.
Then again, I certainly didn鈥檛 miss some customers, like the one who yelled at me for taking too long to ring them up after I ran across the parking lot to chase a car that drove off without paying.
I would have apologized to that customer for waiting an extra 45 seconds for service, but I was too busy trying to catch my breath through bouts of coughing up blood.
My rants about customers aside, it is important that we learn that we 鈥� customers, gas station attendants, station owners, suppliers and their employees 鈥� are all in this together.
So the next time the lighting tornado from the underworld strikes your wallet, please don鈥檛 take it out on the attendant. Just softly cry as you politely pay to fill up your tank and save your outburst until you鈥檙e inside your vehicle and after you drive past the next gas station that鈥檚 selling gas 5 cents cheaper.
According to Hofmann is written by staff reporter Mark Hofmann of Rostraver Township. His books, 鈥淕ood Mourning! A Guide to Biting the Big One 鈥� and Dying, Too鈥� and 鈥淪tupid Brain,鈥� are available on Amazon.com.