According to Hofmann: Sticks and stones can break my bones
I don鈥檛 know if it鈥檚 easier or more difficult to fake being a doctor nowadays 鈥� I鈥檓 asking for a friend, of course.
You鈥檇 think it would be more of a challenge because of the many specialists that exist in offices spread pretty much anywhere.
You鈥檇 also think it would be pretty easy today because of the many specialists that exist in offices spread pretty much anywhere.
It kind of makes you question all advertising for doctors.
鈥淢y name is Dr. Hammersham, and I specialize in Ozosciperiantal, which is the diagnosis and treatment of walking into a room and forgetting why you walked in there. I鈥檓 located in the janitor鈥檚 closet at Northwood High School. Come to my office for a free evaluation; if you forget why you arrived, you likely have a terminal case.鈥�
Sure, you need to be board certified and have credentials. You also need a computer printer and convincing attire to make it look like you鈥檙e board certified with credentials.
Anyway, what started this crazy train of thought was an article I read about a Venezuelan man recently arrested for allegedly implanting plastic lollipop sticks under the skin of dozens of people by tricking them into thinking that they were advanced contraceptive devices.
The article didn鈥檛 say what he wore or where his office was located, but I鈥檓 sure both had to be spot-on for his victims to fall for that old trick.
According to reports, 38-year-old Jose Daniel Lopez stands accused of tricking at least 25 women into paying him to implant simple lollipop sticks under their skin as contraceptives. Not surprisingly, some of them became pregnant.
Now, I鈥檓 sure that last part was a misprint in the article because it sounds like the lollipop sticks are causing the pregnancies, and I have to wonder what kind of flavor would do something like that? Perhaps the mystery flavor with all the question marks on the wrapper.
I also think it鈥檚 kind of ironic (or maybe iconic?) that you give lollipops to children after a visit to the doctor, yet this situation has the lollipop sticks not preventing pregnancies. Perhaps the lollipop industry should be investigated as well.
Anyway, Lopez performed the subdermal implants himself, claiming they were an actual contraceptive procedure that involves small plastic rods being implanted under the skin of the upper arm.
The scam first came to light when a doctor with real diplomas on the wall took to social media to warn people about it, claiming that he had seen mentions of this procedure on social media from women who had become pregnant and didn鈥檛 understand why.
A red flag could have been the guy walking in the exam room while sucking the candy off the stick prior to it being implanted.
There might be some irony in saying that news of the medical scam went viral.
So, of course, 鈥淒r.鈥� Lopez didn鈥檛 鈥渟tick鈥� around 鈥� oh, lollipop puns! 鈥� as he was later found and arrested in the state of Aragua and charged with illegally practicing medicine and a plethora of other things.
But I believe, whether he鈥檚 innocent or guilty, the man should be afforded a fair trial with professional legal representation.
Just make sure the lawyer鈥檚 law degree didn鈥檛 come from a Cracker Jack box.
According to Hofmann is written by staff reporter Mark Hofmann of Rostraver Township. His books, 鈥淕ood Mourning! A Guide to Biting the Big One 鈥� and Dying, Too鈥� and 鈥淪tupid Brain,鈥� are available on Amazon.com.