According to Hofmann: A rose by any other name n’at
In my early days as a newspaper reporter, I had the pleasure of interviewing Susan Powter.
For those who may not know who she is, she鈥檚 a television personality, a motivational speaker, a nutritionist and an author of several books in the 1990s to the 2000s.
For those who still don鈥檛 know who she is, she鈥檚 the lady with blonde crew-cut hair whose catchphrase was 鈥淪top the insanity!鈥� and after I tell people that, they go, 鈥淥h, yeah, her!鈥�
Anyway, she was driving to the area to promote her latest book, so her publicist contacted the newspaper to have a phone interview with her while she was en route to the bookstore event.
During the interview, when I asked her a lengthy question, she stopped and said, 鈥淚 really like your accent.鈥�
Upon hearing that, I knew the woman had just fallen madly in love with me, and I was puzzled that she thought I had an accent. I wasn鈥檛 unaware that there鈥檚 a certain noticeable twang (maybe 鈥渢wungz鈥�) to us in Southwestern Pennsylvania, but I certainly didn鈥檛 think I laid it on thick by any means.
鈥淥h, that鈥檚 nothing,鈥� I said to her. 鈥淵ou should hear the things we say.鈥�
Of course, I was referring to Pittsburghese, aka Pittsburgh English, aka N鈥檃t.
It鈥檚 a beautiful mix of the regional accent and words that, well, are unknown in other areas west of the Mississippi 鈥� and north, south and some 鈥� well, a lot 鈥� east.
Words and phrases like pop, chipped ham, redd-up, gum-band, hoagie, jumbo, Kennywood鈥檚 open, nebby and yinz, which is the southern 鈥測鈥檃ll鈥� but rusty.
Well, it seems like a recent poll from the folks at Writing Tips Institute (writingtips.org) shows that 57% of folks want to make what they鈥檙e calling 鈥淧ennsylvanian鈥� an official dialect.
First, there鈥檚 an issue with having a 鈥淧ennsylvanian鈥� dialect, and it鈥檚 as clear as the state鈥檚 two major cities, Pittsburgh and Cheesesteak Town.
My brother lives near Philadelphia, so I visit there a few times a year. While I have no animosity toward that city, I must say most dialects and accents seem to have trickled down from New York City, making Philly sound more like New York City Jr.
Don鈥檛 get me wrong: They have a few words and phrases that they claim as their own, like 鈥渨it鈥� or 鈥渨itout,鈥� when you want or don鈥檛 want onions on your cheesesteak, chocolate sprinkles are called 鈥渏immies鈥� and then there鈥檚 鈥渏awn,鈥� which is used as a substitute for specific words 鈥� except using it for 鈥渨it鈥� or 鈥渨itout鈥� or they鈥檒l kick you out of the cheesesteak stand.
The most baffling thing about 鈥渏awn鈥� is when one Philadelphian says it, the other Philadelphian knows what they鈥檙e referencing, like the word is psychic trigger.
鈥淗ow鈥檚 your jawn?鈥�
鈥淧retty good, but not as significant as your jawn.鈥�
鈥淚 know exactly what you mean.鈥�
I鈥檓 sure there are others words, but those are the ones I heard or could find online.
And that鈥檚 where you see the problem. The landslide that is Pittsburghese would butt heads with New York City Jr. because Pittsburgh would never order something 鈥渨it鈥� or 鈥渨itou,t鈥� as we鈥檙e a region that puts fries on salad, and I can鈥檛 imagine folks in Philadelphia wanting to adopt our dialect because they鈥檙e in a New York state of mind.
The only solution is splitting 鈥淧ennsylvanian鈥� in two 鈥� east and west 鈥� and leaving the middle regions free to adopt whatever they want to the letter of the law.
Why the letter of the law? Well, it seems that the folks polled also stated they wanted the dialect protected by law.
How is that enforced?
Would a local grocery store in our area receive a fine if they have a commercial stating their shopping carts no longer have sharp edges doused with a toxin that causes botulism? Does a cop go to the manager and berate them?
鈥淪ir, I understand that you used the term 鈥榮hopping cart鈥� when you should have used 鈥榖uggy,鈥� and that鈥檚 fineable under the N鈥檃t Act of 2023 and, on a personal note, scum like you make me sick and that鈥檚 why I wake up every morning to do this job.鈥�
I have no issues with protecting an area鈥檚 culture and language, but languages do tend to be phased out over time as the speakers of the language die off or move away to die off and people from other places arrive and bring their region鈥檚 words and phrases with them.
That鈥檚 why we have dead languages like Latin, Coptic, Mandan and Sanskrit, to name a few, and the bright side of that dark cloud is the fact that those languages are now studied and have earned a deeper appreciation now that they鈥檙e gone.
Don鈥檛 feel bad. Just imagine your pride when a couple of philologists centuries from now uncover ancient scrolls of a husband鈥檚 to-do list and one says to the other, 鈥淲hat鈥檚 a 鈥榢olbassi?'鈥�
鈥淓h, just mark it down as 鈥榡awn.'鈥�
鈥淚 know exactly what you mean.鈥�
According to Hofmann is written by staff reporter Mark Hofmann of Rostraver Township. His books, 鈥淕ood Mourning! A Guide to Biting the Big One鈥nd Dying, Too鈥� and 鈥淪tupid Brain,鈥� are available on Amazon.com.