According to Hofmann: Finding comfort in one’s own pew
Comedian Lenny Bruce once said people are straying away from the church to get back to God. I can鈥檛 agree or disagree with that statement, but I agree that I never seem to be totally comfortable at church.
Now, I know you鈥檙e not supposed to discuss religion and politics at the dinner table, and even though I鈥檓 writing this on a dinner table, I鈥檓 not trying to make any kind of deep critical dive into religion. This week鈥檚 column is more like a head-first dive in the shallow end of the pool known as different churches and the people in them, so it鈥檚 more like a sociological look at how some churches function and conduct themselves.
First, it鈥檚 best that I present my baseline for a comfortable church service.
The church where I鈥檝e been most comfortable was one I grew up with 鈥� a small Methodist church with a small congregation of close-knit people, pews, hymns from the red books or from the green books on special occasions like it鈥檚 fine china when guests are visiting, the preacher reads a few Bible verses, tells a story, they collect money, and off you go to watch football.
My first taste of another type of church was my cousin鈥檚, where we went whenever my brother and I spent the night at their house. They were Catholic, so the whole thing was a different world to a kid like me.
Basically, all I did there was sit and observe because I was instructed to not do anything to take part in the Mass. It felt like a secret club. I couldn鈥檛 touch the holy water, I couldn鈥檛 go to confession, I couldn鈥檛 kneel on the padded kneeler board that swung down in front of us and I couldn鈥檛 take communion.
We only had communion once a month in my church, so I felt cheated. On the car ride from the church, I kept asking my cousins what that wafer tasted like because we only had a loaf of bread and grape juice.
Another type of church I鈥檝e attended is what I call the mini-mega church, which are local churches that are bigger than my church with a live band, sound systems, visuals on flat-screen televisions with surround sound, in-house cafes and padded chairs. They also accept credit cards and PayPal, and have apps you can download to follow along with the service that you鈥檙e seeing live.
You鈥檇 think a different church would be refreshing, but not for me.
As soon as I settle in, I start to wonder if I鈥檓 sitting in someone else鈥檚 unofficial seat, to the point where after I sit down, I want to say to every person who walks by or gives me a look, 鈥淚s this your seat? Because I can move if it is.鈥� I also struggle with how to react if the service deviates from what I鈥檓 used to.
Just to be clear, I鈥檓 not knocking any of these things 鈥� whether it be the live band or a prayer circle 鈥� I鈥檓 just saying it鈥檚 not really my style.
I鈥檓 a simple man with simple needs in what I want from a church, and I also believe that those differences are just alternate paths that take you to one (or another) location anyway.
According to Hofmann is written by staff reporter Mark Hofmann of Rostraver Township. His books, 鈥淕ood Mourning! A Guide to Biting the Big One鈥nd Dying, Too鈥� and 鈥淪tupid Brain,鈥� are available on Amazon.com.