The danger of what ifs and if onlys
All of us at some point in time have said or thought “What if?” or “If only?”
The two phrases go hand in hand, leading us into thoughts and discussions of how life, circumstances, history, etc. would be different. But, in general, they both are voiced to direct to a past that could have been different, which sets up a different present and/or future.
They also apply to concerns or hopes yet realized, fears or desires to prepare one’s mindset as life unfolds and reveals itself.
These phrases should be made the most of in the decision-making process to understand the impact of varying scenarios. As a phrase made popular in recent history, “We don’t know what we don’t know,” said former Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld.
There are a couple of familiar thoughts that carry these conversations. One is considering the future and deliberating decisions that influence that future. Another is ruminating the past and bearing in mind that you are where you are today because of choices, some of which had nothing to do with you directly
While we should make wise use of the what ifs and if onlys the inherent hazard is to get caught up in a nonstop spin cycle.
As it concerns the future, we find hardship in making a final decision because we overthink the endless scenarios that can play out like infinite connecting passageways that lead to boundless worlds. Like each choice we make with any shade of differing degree will propel us through another doorway changing our lives forever.
So, we become neutralized in time as we become emotionally and intellectually frozen, leading us to a fearful mentality with no coherent rational for a decision. We let time itself unfold and carry us forward like driftwood in the ocean.
As far as the past is remembered, the problematic nature with the what ifs and if onlys is similar: We become entranced with imagining how things could have been or should have been. And then, instead of learning from the past, we start to live in the past, never moving on.
It’s understandable to have regrets, or to vacation in melancholy, or to take out the time to grieve, yet the past is the past and when we become trapped into living in regrets, or revisionist personal history, our present only permits a handicapped future.
Consider the indecisiveness of trying to select from the menu, what outfit arrangement to wear or which program to watch. Let alone which college to attend, what furniture, vehicle or house to buy. How much time do we forfeit agonizing over so many choices and decisions, especially the ones that have the greater impact on our lives?
One decision I have made that helps is trusting in God. I commit my life to Him and, as I honestly consider relevant facts and say a prayer about it, that I will live with whatever happens and roll with the flow. I will only look back to learn from it, not to dwell in the land of woeful reflections and self-destructive lamentation.
And to move forward not in fearful handwringing about a future I can’t really predict, or in the intangible insecurity of the what ifs and if onlys, but with the confidence of a faith inspired by Romans 8:28 KJ, which states “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.”
I encourage everyone reading this article to position themselves with the same spiritual mindset.
Blessings.