Realistic thinking, self-care keys to less holiday stress
The holidays can bring on stress from all different directions, but knowing how to manage it effectively can help avoid a blue Christmas.
“This time of year can create feelings of anxiety, depression, stress and frustration,” said Aris Karagiorgakis, assistant teaching professor of psychology at Penn State Fayette, The Eberly Campus.
Karagiorgakis said people can feel overwhelmed by many things at the holidays – from hosting gatherings to crowds in public place, or from self-imposed demands for the “perfect” holiday to the financial pressures associated with the season of gift giving.
Dr. Holiday E. Adair, chairwoman the psychology department at California University of Pennsylvania, said stress around the holidays can be worse due to the uptick in contact with people we may not regularly interact with paired with the heightened expectations for holiday experiences for both adults and children, and strains on finances and time.
“What mostly contributes to the experience of stress are the thoughts we are having about all these events,” Adair said. “We think others should not behave the way they do, we expect them to be available, be accommodating to our schedules, agreeing with us about plans and politics.”
That includes black-and-white thinking that if the holidays aren’t a perfect experience, then they are horrible or cause-and-effect thinking that a lot of money has to be spent on gifts or time with people to make the holiday “perfect.”
To the other extreme, Karagiorgakis said those going through the holidays separated from their families may experience depression, isolation and loneliness.
“Whether your holidays feel chaotic with too much going on or isolating with not enough going on or even if you have the right amount of family sprinkled during the holidays, more often than not, we can’t change our circumstances, our environments, our location and especially our family,” Karagiorgakis said.
Karagiorgakis said there are self-care methods to help get through some of those stressors, starting with outlook.
“Your mood and state of mind can be considered a choice,” Karagiorgakis said. “We can choose to be happy, joyous, appreciative and grateful. We can choose to remain present and grounded instead of comparing your experience to what you think it should be or how it should be better or more perfect.”
Karagiorgakis also suggested that people take time to ask themselves why certain things about an event make them anxious and what they can do to make themselves more comfortable.
“Identifying some of your stressors can go a long way to providing you with a sense of control and reducing anxiety,” Karagiorgakis said.
So can physical exercise, sleep, meditation or confiding feelings in a trusted source, he said.
Adair suggested working on paying attention to the meaning people give to experiences, especially taking those negative meanings and determining if those thoughts are reasonable or realistic.
“Treat them (thoughts) like hypotheses and if you can think of one piece of disconfirming evidence, then you can no longer think them,” Adair said, adding that a great amount of research evidence has shown that the constant practice of realistic thinking greatly reduces stress.
Karagiorgakis said people should use their own “self-care packages” to help deal with stress during the holidays — no matter whether that means taking time alone or planning the days ahead of time to reduce the sense of chaos.
Karagiorgakis added that people should also recognize that they’re not alone in what they’re experiencing; those who surround them are likely going through the same or similar stressors.
“Family and friends are literally your support group,” Karagiorgakis said. “Make the first move, reach out, and you will be glad you did.”