The wacky world of Trump
Donald Trump has spawned a whole industry: the novelty Donald Trump industry. Fans and critics alike are in on the game of making a buck (or two) off the image, sayings, and plain wackiness of the 45th president of the United States and the wacky, wacky world we all inhabit, thanks to him.
The other night on the off-brand, self-branded conservative television channel known as INSP, I happened upon a commercial for Trumpy Bear.
It was a hoot. It included firemen, “law enforcement,” a veteran, a burly guy on a motorcycle, a couple of businessmen and a grandmother all plugging “plush” Trumpy Bear, extolled as the perfect emblem for our country rising from the ashes of the Obama years (implied) while selling online at Walmart for $56.85.
Trumpy Bear, says a fireman, is a “fighter just like me.”
“I’ve been in law enforcement for four years and I love Trumpy Bear,” says another of the pitchmen.
Complete with an American flag “blanket” stuffed into a zippered pocket, Trumpy Bear makes businesses “boom” and golf scores plummet. Run it up a flag pole, sit it at the picnic table on the Fourth of July, let it ride the handle bars of a Harley, Trumpy Bear is perfect for “every American holiday.”
The commercial got me wondering: what else might the discriminating shopper purchase in line with Trumpy Bear? It was an eye-opener. Both sides of America’s vast political divide are well-represented in the fray to cash in on the presidency of Donald John Trump.
There’s the Donald Trump Action Figure as well as the Trump bobble head.
Got a dog? Give it The Dog-nald, a stuffed presidential lookalike toy Fido can chew on.
The pitch for The Dognald is gold, gold I tell ya: “… You’ll never hear this plush guy squeak. Squeaking is for wimps. When chewed, The Dognald grunts. Like a winner.”
There’s the Trump Baby Ballon, 29-inches of pure delight sure to brighten your next “baby shower … party … or political rally.”
Need something for your feet? How about Trump socks? Only $12 to decorate the calf with red, white and blue Trumpian patriotism.
And while we’re talking feet, let’s talk Donald Trump shoes. These hightop sneakers go for $59.95.
Want to have fellow-motorists do a double take as you zoom past them on the interstate? Then purchase a Ride With Donald Trump Car Window. It’s the president in profile riding shotgun!
How about a $9.99 poster displaying the compartments of the president’s brain? Egotism, vanity, manipulation, selfishness, alternate facts — in all 19 different parts, none of which Einstein would be proud of.
There are more Trump-theme T-shirts, both pro- and con-, than one person could wear in four years, or eight.
Of course, there is the ubiquitous Make America Great Again T-shirt along with the Drain The Swamp T-shirt (there’s also a Drain The Swamp Donald Trump Life-Size Cardboard).
Besides derogatory Trump T-shirts, there’s one for politically well-balanced, fair-minded Trump supporters: “I lived through Obama, you can live through Trump.” (A little too optimistic?)
If you’re looking ahead to Christmas, or, if you prefer, the holidays, there’s the Meet You Under The Mistletoe T-shirt, with the president displaying a jolly Santa smile.
There are literally hundreds of Trump novelties for sell, an outpouring of kitsch and bad taste, including Donald-themed toilet paper; Donald Trump Troll dolls; Trump pen holders; Trump talking pens; Trump talking toilet paper holders; Trumpian rubber stamps (must have had the U.S. Senate in mind — haha); a Trump-themed video, “You Can’t Spell America Without Me,” featuring Alec Baldwin; and a Trump book of poetry, which poses the question, “What if there’s another side” to the president, “a sensitive, poetic side?”
The Trump presidency had stimulated the American entrepreneurial spirit. If you doubt this, go to the online Trump-Pence campaign website or the web pages of The Trump Organization. They’re dealing at both places.
Or consider the Trump International Hotel just blocks from the White House. One report has it that a delegation of Saudis recently dropped more than $200,000 there while in the capital doing business with Congress and the Trump administration.
Richard Robbins lives in Uniontown and is the author of two books: Grand Salute: Stories of the World War II Generation and Our People. He can be reached at dick.l.robbins@gmail.com.