Anatomy of a made-up conspiracy
After years and years of hanging around the news business, there鈥檚 one trick I admit I鈥檝e never learned: I don鈥檛 quite know how to fashion a conspiracy out of thin air.
I can say with confidence that I鈥檝e witnessed the shoddiest of the conspiracy merchants these past few months.
I鈥檓 fascinated by their skill, but also, their lack of humanity.
House Speaker Nancy Pelosi鈥檚 82-year-old husband, Paul, was attacked and beaten by a hammer-wielding intruder in their San Francisco home last October.
Within hours, San Francisco鈥檚 District Attorney, Brooke Jenkins, appeared and began offering some details of the attack to the media.
鈥淗e forced his way into the home through a rear glass door by breaking the glass,鈥� said Jenkins.
But even by then, the seeds of an outrageous, right-wing conspiracy had already been planted.
The new owner of Twitter, Elon Musk, was among them. In the early morning after the attack, he tweeted a link to a website that claimed that Mr. Pelosi had been attacked by a male prostitute.
No baseless conspiracy can thrive without those questions they just throw out there 鈥� that have already been answered 鈥� or that aren鈥檛 relevant in the first place.
Allow me to introduce you to the Fox News Warped Conspiracy Bureau.
鈥淗ow did this homeless drug addict even get inside the house? No one has been able to give us a straight answer to that,鈥� crowed Jesse Watters, Fox News Conspiracy Bureau Chief.
If he鈥檇 been paying attention, he would have heard the San Francisco DA explain that the accused attacker 鈥渇orced his way into the home through a rear glass door.鈥�
(The Fox News Warped Conspiracy Bureau doesn鈥檛 exist. I just made it up. It鈥檚 a conspiracy.)
But there sure are lots of Fox Newsies who鈥檇 qualify for that bureau, if they ever formed one.
Tucker Carlson would be among them.
鈥淲e know he got inside,鈥� Carlson said after the earliest details of the attack were released.
鈥淲hat were the two (Mr. Pelosi and alleged attacker David DePape) doing before the police arrived?鈥� Carlson asked.
And when people started questioning the growing conspiracies about the attack 鈥� and the folks on the right who were fueling them 鈥� Carlson tried to justify his curiosities with, 鈥淲e鈥檙e not the crazy people; you鈥檙e the liars. There鈥檚 nothing wrong with asking questions 鈥� period.鈥�
Well, yes, there is something wrong with asking questions that are meant to create a negative narrative for no reason.
鈥淲hat are the two doing for the 30 minutes before the police arrive?鈥� asked Carlson.
He cleverly concealed a hint that there was something unseemly that went on before the police arrived at the Pelosi home 鈥� but for no reason other than to advance the misinformation.
Here鈥檚 how that鈥檚 done.
Something happens. Then, all you have to do is ask questions about why the authorities aren鈥檛 commenting.
A tree down the street topples over.
Simply ask, 鈥淲hy haven鈥檛 the police and the mayor investigated that? Are they busy taking kickbacks from the Mafia?鈥�
That鈥檚 sure to work.
Megyn Kelly, ex-Fox News conspiracy theorist, is now on her own with the podcast, The Megyn Kelly Show on SiriusXM. She seems to be pretty good at uncovering the truth behind those rodent-infested lies police tell at news conferences, I suppose.
鈥淚 don鈥檛 know what went on. I know enough to smell a rat. There鈥檚 something here that they鈥檙e not telling us. I just don鈥檛 know what it is,鈥� she claimed.
There were nearly 20 Republican politicians and media folks who鈥檇 helped elevate the Pelosi attack into the realm of a major, but whispered, scandal until the San Francisco DA decided she鈥檇 had enough.
On Jan. 27, she released the police body-cam video of the attack, which revealed nothing unseemly had taken place.
Under normal circumstances, there鈥檇 be lots of people who would appear egg-faced and contrite after that kind of revelation.
Not this time.
Hardly any of the people who helped ignite the conspiracy have admitted their questions were unfounded.
Figures.
Edward A. Owens is a multi-Emmy Award winner, former reporter, and anchor for Entertainment Tonight, and 50-year TV news and newspaper veteran. E-mail him at freedoms@bellatlantic.net.