Let鈥檚 all hear it for the wonderful days of slavery?
Have you heard the latest?
Slaves had themselves some big fun back in the day!
That鈥檚 the word out of Florida, where they鈥檙e rewriting history to include the happy-go-lucky, carefree lives of America鈥檚 slaves.
Or it seems that way.
According to the Florida Board of Education, middle school students will, from this point forward, learn 鈥渉ow slaves developed skills, which, in some instances, could be applied for their personal benefit.鈥�
You got that?
Toiling endless days in the sweltering plantation heat helped make apprentices of the millions of Africans and their descendants from 1526 to 1867 鈥� and perhaps beyond.
This is all so Republican-like.
This entire nonsense was set in motion by Florida鈥檚 leading culture warrior, Gov. Ron DeSantis, with his so-called 鈥淪top Woke Act.鈥�
When he signed it into law in April of 2022, he made sure to announce, 鈥淚n Florida, we will not let the far left woke agenda take over our schools and workplaces.鈥�
He gave the Florida Board of Education the authority to tweak history, so it wouldn鈥檛 give white middle-school students the heebie-jeebies, I suppose.
Thus, there鈥檚 a new teaching directive that magically transforms slaveowners into mere supervisors down at the plant.
It鈥檚 not the first time folks on the political right have downplayed the significance of human beings owning other human beings.
There was that time when Bill O鈥橰eilly, at the time the biggest star on Fox News, elevated slaveowners to being pretty good providers.
Back in July 2016, during the Democratic National Convention, First Lady Michelle Obama gave a speech that highlighted how blessed she, a descendant of slaves, was to 鈥渨ake up every morning in a house built by slaves.鈥�
O鈥橰eilly heard that and pounced.
鈥淪laves that worked there were well-fed and had decent lodgings provided by the government,鈥� said O鈥橰eilly the following day. He stopped short of claiming the sons and daughters of those slaveowners should get reparations.
The outrage over O鈥橰eilly鈥檚 lack of knowledge of those supposed well-fed slaves was immediate.
As well as it should have been.
To take such a horrific period in this nation鈥檚 history and downplay it, by turning the perpetrators of it into benevolent teachers, is ridiculous.
So too are many people outraged by Florida鈥檚 new history standards.
Vice President Kamala Harris flew to the state and gave two angry speeches on the topic.
鈥淭hey want to replace history with lies,鈥� she told one of the crowds. 鈥淭hey insult us in an attempt to gaslight us,鈥� she added.
The dust-up found its way to DeSantis, who was out on the hustings, begging for votes 鈥� in a presidential campaign that appears to be going nowhere.
鈥淚 didn鈥檛 do it and I wasn鈥檛 involved in it,鈥� he said at a news conference.
I鈥檇 say if he wants to become president of these United States, he should develop more skillful lies.
In truth, he was at the center of the controversy last year when he championed the 鈥淪top Woke Act,鈥� which gave a wink and a nod to the state鈥檚 board of education to protect schoolchildren from learning the truth about America鈥檚 biggest sin.
But even though he denies he had anything directly to do with the new teaching standards, he couldn鈥檛 help interpreting them for reporters.
鈥淚 think that they鈥檙e probably going to show some of the folks that eventually parlayed, you know, being a blacksmith into doing things later, later in life,鈥� he smugly concluded.
If Governor DeSantis climbs to the top of the Republican heap and wins the presidency (something that seems mighty unlikely at this point), you could expect more of his Stop 鈥淲okedness.鈥�
A President DeSantis could build monuments to slaveowners, and cathedrals to those slave catchers, who came north in search of runaway slaves.
Theirs was an honorable profession, he鈥檇 say. And they risked life and limb to return those slaves to their lives of luxury.
In the meantime, though, we鈥檒l have to settle for slavery being a means to bootstrap your way to the top.
Edward A. Owens is a multi-Emmy Award winner, former reporter, and anchor for Entertainment Tonight, and 50-year TV news and newspaper veteran. E-mail him at freedoms@bellatlantic.net.
听