Christmas list found and revealed
I was handling my daily (sometimes twice, often three times) chore of clearing out the junk mail in my email accounts (otherwise I鈥檇 have a thousand by the end of the week), when I came across a few interesting entries as I was hitting blanket delete.
Somehow, internet servers crossed and my email account received letters that were supposed to be delivered to Santa Claus.聽
Should I be nebby and open the misdirected mail, and then redirect to Santa, or do the right thing and just find a way to get the info to the proper authority at the North Pole?
Quite the Christmas conundrum! So, I鈥檒l post what I found and let you decide. (Then, you鈥檒l be complicit and not rat me out!)
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Dear 厂补苍迟补,听
How鈥檚 it going, big fella?
Christmas came early for me and my teammates, and fans of American golf, so just wanted to drop a note and say thanks for the return to glory days.
Kicking off the final-round rally to win the Presidents Cup with my record 27th match victory was the big red bow on the fancy-wrapped gift.
Plus, the win at the Masters, my 15th major, was one of the best gifts I could receive (that wasn鈥檛 from one of my kids).
Merry Christmas! See you at Amen Corner this spring! Wear the green plaid jacket I left for you so I can pick you out of the crowd. (I don鈥檛 care what the Mrs. thinks of the sport coat. You don鈥檛 look fat in it. You鈥檒l be a fashion plate!)
Eldrick Woods
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Dear Santa Claus,
This request isn鈥檛 for us, but someone who could really use some help.
First, a copy of Dale Carnegie鈥檚 鈥淗ow to Win Friends and Influence People,鈥� preferably an unused copy. We wouldn鈥檛 want the recipient to think he was receiving a second hand how-to.
An updated version of the 鈥淩ules of Golf鈥� would be great, too. And, a year鈥檚 subscription to YouTube so he can watch how foolish and silly his boorish behavior is.
Please sign the gift card, To: Patrick Reed, From: The Royal and Ancient Golf Club of St Andrews, USGA and the PGA of America
P.S. Your tee times are reserved at Turtle Bay Resort and Kona Country Club (Mountain Course & Ocean Course) the week of the Martin Luther King Jr. Day holiday. The folks in Hawai鈥檌 ask you leave the elves at home. They鈥檒l provide a caddie for you. Last year those little imps recreated the pool scene from Caddy Shack. The managers said it took a month to clean up after them.
Also, please use alternate transportation to the islands. The flying reindeer might be a great way to get around on Christmas Eve, but golf resorts in Hawai鈥檌 aren鈥檛 equipped to clean up after caribou after they chow down on a bucket of poi.
On behalf of golf fans around the world, thanks!!!聽
Joyeux No毛l, Frohe Weinachten, Feliz Navidad, Buon Natale, Feliz Natal, Vrolijk kerstfeest, Wesolych swiat Bozego Narodzenia and, in song from Bing Crosby, Mele Kalikimaka!
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Hey big Buddy,
Christmas came early on a contract with a bunch of zeroes, so I鈥檓 not really asking for much this year.
But, should you have any plain Yankees shirts piled around the workshop, would you put a couple under the tree? I鈥檒l take care of the lettering.
Check the stockings hung by the chimney with care. We left a little something for ya!
Happy Holidays
Gerrit Cole.
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Dear Santa,
I guess I should鈥檝e asked for a jump rope instead.
Thanks anyway.
The Peloton lady
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Dear Santa Claus,
Could you put one of those Peloton bikes under the tree for me this year? Looks like I鈥檓 going to have to be in tip-top shape in a few months.
Merry Christmas!
Ben Roethlisberger
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Hey Santa,
I鈥檇 like one of those walkers with a seat to use when I鈥檓 out and about. I鈥檓 going to have to do something now since I won鈥檛 have all those walks to the mound to keep my hip loose.
Merry Christmas
Clint Hurdle
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Dear Santa Claus,
I鈥檇 like a time machine. A one-use gizmo would be fine. I want to return to 15 seconds left to play so I can rethink and redo my response when I took Mason Rudolph to the ground.
I want to be just an edge rusher again instead of a rusher on the edge (of madness).
Happy Holidays!
Myles Garrett
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Hey St. Nick,
Here鈥檚 my Christmas list (better sit down and kick back):聽
A bullpen that isn鈥檛 at odds with one another so they won鈥檛 want to punch each other out; Starting pitchers whose bodies will hold out for an entire season; A third baseman that can catch the ball and hit HRs (I think I already have one, so please don鈥檛 think I鈥檓 greedy); Players who attain the level the metrics say they should play; A Stanley Cup run by the Penguins so fans and the media will be distracted during my first month on the job.
Merry Christmas
Pittsburgh Pirates manager Derek Shelton
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Dear Santa Claus,
A serious playoff run.
Happy Holidays,
Pittsburgh Pirates fans
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Hey Santa,
See the Pirates fans鈥� letter.
Merry Christmas,
Pittsburgh Penguins fans
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厂补苍迟补,听
A NFL playoff berth (in other words, a Christmas miracle).
Thanks
Pittsburgh Steelers fans
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On behalf of the 缅北禁地 sports department, Jonathan Guth, sports editor Rob Burchianti and myself, the hope for a safe, enjoyable Christmas season. Sporting events kick back into gear at the end of the week so be sure to support your favorite basketball players and wrestlers in tournaments around the area.
Merry Christmas!